It was Saturday, February 23, 2013 at 12:48 AM when our baby boy, Renner Duane Paisley, was welcomed into this world. He was 7 lbs 2 oz, and 20.5 inches. It's so amazing to think that 2 weeks ago I was keeping him safe inside my tummy, and now I get to snuggle with him while he is sleeping. What an amazing experience childbirth is. I will always cherish this memory forever.

I knew I was getting induced on the 22nd, so we had a little time to prepared for him to come early. But I must say, even 3 weeks early hardly prepared us more than if he came on time. We had our alarms set to wake up fairly early so we could make sure we had everything we needed, but we were way to excited to sleep past 5 in the morning. We had to be at the hospital at 8 AM to get all of the paperwork done, and get me strapped to the IVs.

So first thing firsts! We dropped Roxy off at Grandmas house, grabbed some McDonalds breakfast, and headed to the hospital.

(Us in the McD's drive-through. Cause we be classy like that.)

Keagan dropped me off at the front so I could check in while he parked, and while I was sitting in the booth waiting for the lady to bring me my bracelet and papers I turned toward the doors to see if Keagan was on his way inside, and I saw this older man walk in who looked an awful like my Dad. (My Dad passed away last September from liver cancer, but before he passed he got to know that his baby girl was going to be a Mom.) Now for anyone who knew my Dad, you would know he loved his hats, long sleeve shirts, sweats, and Reebok sneakers. So it was a tad bit crazy when I see that this man was wearing a CAT hat, grey t-shirt, a light blue faded jean jacket, black sweats, and high top, white Reeboks. He even had the same style of beard as my Dad. Salt and pepper colored and all. So random right? It gets better don't worry. So this man walks up to the counter, and tells the lady at the desk that he's here for his MRI appointment. She says, "Okay sir whats your last name?" He says, "Johnson." By this time my mouth is dropped, and pretty sure I'm looking like a crazy person. Then she says, "Robert?" He nods his head, and she tells him where to go and he takes off. Now for 1. My Dads name is Robert Johnson, and 2. He looked like he could of been my Dads twin. So. Freaking. Crazy. I just laughed, and shook my head and thought, "Okay Dad. I got it. Thanks for letting me know you're here with me today." That happening definitely made me feel the Spirit so strongly, and just made me so incredibly happy to know that my Dads sense of humor was still going strong, and that he was there with me.

After that mind blowing experience I see Keagan walk in, and I told him about this random Robert Johnson person, and we head up to the 3rd floor - Labor and Delivery. Perfect way to start the day that I'm about to have a new soul enter this world. 

When we got to the room they hook me up to the IVs with oxytocin flowing through them. But while they were attempting to hook me up with the IV Drip another lady comes in wanting blood. I got tag teamed by needles on both sides. Not cool. 

Then began the long waiting period until Ren decided to make his appearance. So basically we went for walks around L&D, ate some pudding, laughed, talked about what it will be like to have him finally here, played games on our phone, talked to our good friend Shauna (who was my roomie when I was hospitalized last month), and just hung out.



Then 1:10 PM rolls around, and I'm not really feeling anything. Some cramps, but nothing major. Doctor comes in, and says she wants to check my cervix to see if I've progressed at all. I'm thinking okay, sure. No biggie. And all of a sudden I feel this rush of fluid (coolest and most shocking feeling of my life), and she says she just broke my water and there's no turning back now. Excuse me, you did what? Thanks for the warning. I mean it was nice because I didn't have time to panic, or spaz about it. She just took this little crochet hook looking thing, and just ripped open Ren's snug little home.

Then things started getting real. About 30 minutes after my water was broken I started getting contractions. I wanted to die. Begged my nurse to give me the epidural already. She said I had to wait to 4 CM. Fuuhh. By that time we had some of Keagan's family come and spend time with us right before the contractions started to get intense. They promptly left because I obviously wasn't the most pleasant soul to be around. I had Niagara Falls draining from my downstairs, and my stomach felt like it was being ripped apart by Alien. Sorry special guest.

IM HAVING A BABBBBYY!  

We went for a walk around L&D Ward, and that was unpleasant to the highest degree. It was probably the grossest, and weirdest feeling ever having the amniotic fluid flowing out while you're walking around. TMI? Well, what did you expect reading a labor and delivery story? Anyways, needless to say 1 lap around the block was good enough for me.

By the time Keagan's mom showed up, from her hastily drive from Calgary to Edmonton, my contractions started to get more intense so I jumped in the shower, which felt so awesome. But sadly that didn't last much longer than a half an hour because the water would get cold every few seconds, and then go back to hot. I screamed at the shower as tears were dripping down my face. "Whhyyyy shower do you have to suck so badly!?" So I got out, and chilled on the bed and tried to ride out the contractions. I use the word "chill" veeeery loosely. I really thought I was accustom to pain from having endometriosis. Yeah, no. They fetching hurt. Incredibly much. ("Stop trying to make fetch happen!" Anyone? Mic drop.)

I was having a hard time relaxing through contractions so they gave me a shot of Demerol to help me get some rest in between them. That was heaven for a whole whopping 10 mins. I was proud of myself though. No cuss words were spouted out, and I didn't yell at anyone... or Keagan. But I really had such an amazing support system there with me. I had Keagan, Becky (Keagan's mom), and Shauna there for the worst of my contractions. They took turns rubbing my back, getting me water, telling me stories, attempting to make me laugh, and just trying to calm me down in general.

By 7 PM I was done. I finally got to 3 1/2 CM, and when the nurse told me that I was bawling and said, "it counts right?!" Seriously, that epidural needle never looked so beautiful. The nurses called the Anesthesiologist, and got him to come and strap that IV in my spine. He went through the rundown of how I have to stay perfectly still, even if I have a contraction.. yaddy yada, I barely listened because I was contracting. But before he started I asked if I could do a practice round to get the whole "staying perfectly still" down. I was so proud of myself for staging still. I just stopped breathing through them and squeezed Keagans fingers. They told me to breathe, and I looked at them dead face and said, "if I breathe I will move." Let me do my thang peeps! Oh man though, what an amazing feeling it was when it started to kick in. I couldn't feel a thing from the top of my stomach down. I couldn't even move my legs, and I had to get someone to move them for me. I was completely frozen, and it was a beautiful thing. My nurse said that it was the best epidural shes ever seen. So we had Keagans family come in and see us during that time, and I was a happy camper. (Look, I'm in pain errday of the week. So feeling absolutely nothing at all was freaking spectacular. Yeah, I'm justifying haha.)

Epidural kicked in. WINNER.

Around 8 PM my nurses started to notice that Ren's heart rate would drop incredibly low every time I had a contraction. They asked me if I noticed the contractions at all, or if I could feel tightening. But I couldn't. Like I said, completely frozen. They figured his cord was wrapped around his neck, so they kept having to turn me over and lay in different positions to try and get the pressure off of him. They said that if his heart rate didn't come back up at all they would have to rush me in for an emergency C-Section.. That was kind of freaky. Luckily that didn't happen though.

I kept feeling a lot of pressure down there, so I told the nurse she should check, and see if I've progressed at all. She said that they usually check every 4 hours, but she asked what it felt like - "Uhh it feels like I have a bowling ball pushing on my bum & on my vajayjay." "Oh okay.. let me check.." Which was a good thing she did too because I was at 9 1/2 CM. So she hurries down the hall to call my doctor - comes back and tells me that we will start pushing at 10. BOOM!

Feeling pretty awesome about now. I felt absolutely nothing.

Finally, the time has come! The emotions that were flowing through me were so raw, and intense. I couldn't believe it. I was going to be a mom! When 10 PM rolled around everyone was kicked out except for Keagan and his mom. It was super nice and quiet, despite the screaming everytime I pushed. We all made bets to see what time he would come out, which we all failed at. Miserable. The time just kept clicking by. I did hard pushing for about 2 hours, which I puked the entire pushing time, and dude still didn't want out. My doctor came in to deliver him, and she decided that we needed to use forceps to help him out the rest of the way because he isn't able to push past my pubic bone. Luckily for this chick I couldn't feel a thing cause otherwise... Yeah.

Then at 12:48 AM our beautiful baby boy was finally out into the world. It was a gong show while he was coming out though. I had about 50 doctors and nurses in there all staring at my whoha, and all the blood pouring out, and the doctor teaching them what to do. Meanwhile I'm just staring at this kid I just birthed. Amazed. I was disappointed that they didn't flop him on my chest when he first came out. They just took him away to his bed thingy. I mean I couldn't hold him anyways when he first came out because I was to sick, and weak, and just shaking too badly. But still... It's the thought people!

2 Minutes Old

Renner's cord was indeed wrapped around his neck, but my doctor got it off of him immediately. He didn't really cry that much when he came out. He made a couple whimpers, but it was so peaceful and quiet. (Despite the gathers I had flocking to see what childbirth was like in the flesh.) He just looked around at everyone, and was so alert. I just stared, and talked to him. One of the doctors pointed out that he was trying to find my voice. Ren kept moving his head around in my direction trying to figure out where I was. It was incredible. 

After they made sure I was good, I was finally able to hold him, and he was perfect. I couldn't believe that this little baby was growing inside of me for 9 months, and I just gave him life. It was such an intense love that I can't even begin to describe that I felt for this tiny baby I held in my arms. He started stroking my fingers, which made me tear up, because he used to do that to my ribs when he was still in mah belly. Weird, and trippy. But endearing nonetheless. 

Now that it's been 2 weeks since he was born that intense love hasn't faded at all. I'm still reeling from the fact that I'm a mom, and we have a son. Keagan and I are parents now. It's incredible. I will say it is probably the hottest thing to see my husband take on the role of being a Dad, and watch him as he holds and takes care of our baby boy. I'm so thrilled to know that Ren will have such an amazing father to look up too. 

If you would have told me a few years ago that this is where I would be now I would of laughed in your face. I can't believe that I have a baby boy who depends on me to always be there for him for everything. That I would be okay with lack of sleep, survive on eating only pb&j's because that's what strength I have in me to spare, and to be a constant food source for him. I was completely petrified when we first brought him home, and I knew Keagan would be having to go back to work soon. Then one morning when sleep was so far gone, and I was just laying there staring at this beautiful baby it finally clicked, and I realized that I'm a mom now. It's such a surreal feeling, and it flooded me with such a warmth that it washed away my petrified feelings. I feel so comforted knowing that I can do this.

It's so amazing to me how Heavenly Father entrust us with these incredible little creatures during this life. I am so incredibly grateful for my little family, and I am so happy to know that Renner has the best guardian angel watching over him, as well as his Father in Heaven. I am so excited to watch him grow up, and see what type of person he will become. But for now I will cherish and love his newborn phase. 

Final Round of Pregnancy.

I've hit my 35 weeks mark, and its been one crazy ride let me tell yah. Words can't even describe how I am so incredibly excited to see my cute baby boy! He is getting so big now I can barely breathe. That pesky swelling is finally starting to kick in. My ankles and hands are huge! And they ache like no mans business. Do you know how weird it is to feel water sloshing around in your feet? It's quite nasty. Also, my pelvis, hips, and lower back have never known such pain! I'm one centimeter dilated now, so the days are going by quick but not quick enough. Since his head is in the downward position now he is trying his absolute hardest to break out early - which I don't blame the little guy, it is quite cramped for space in there. I got head smashed so hard in my pelvis the other day by my sweet baby boy that I swear my water was going to break. I was petrified of the thought of labor in the early days of pregnancy, and now I feel that day can't get here faster.

My endometriosis hasn't been my biggest fan either these days since Ren has been getting bigger, stronger, and snuggling up in the most uncomfortable positions. This girl was just so lucky to be placed in the hospital for a week because of the awful pain on my right side - which is where my endo is the worst. They did let me go home when they knew I could handle pain management at home, and not go into preterm labor. Luckily all I really have to do these days now are watch some Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel on my Netflix, and snuggle with Roxy until my love bug makes his appearance. We had a preeclampsia scare this past week because I've been getting crazy bad headaches, seeing black dots, throwing up randomly, gained 11 pounds in a 5 day span, and my heart has felt like its about to explode out of my chest. Luckily all of my blood test are normal, and I don't have any protein in my urine, so for now I'm safe. But my doctor has been keeping a close eye on me. I will say that if I did end up getting preeclampsia this late in my pregnancy I won't be as terrified because Renner is just about full term, so it will be a lot easier to just get him out now than having to wait or put me on bed rest - depending how bad the preeclampsia got. But I'm safe for now! Which is a huge blessing because we don't even have our stuff from Calgary yet!

We are finally in our new home, and have been for the last month and a half. But since we don't have any of our stuff we've been "camping" which basically means that we've been sleeping on an air mattress, which might I add has been quite uncomfortable being 8 months pregnant. So sleep has been quite the adventure. I cannot wait until we have our cute boys room all set up! And also to have our bed, couch, kitchen stuff, coffee table, etc. You truly never realize what an awesome feeling it is to have a bed, until you don't. But this weekend we finally are getting everything! Luckily we do have our TV and have our internet set up so I'm not left with nothing to do. But man do I need to start nesting already! As soon as our house is nicely decorated, and actually has furniture in it, pictures of our humble abode will be posted!

Keagan and I have been trying to fit in date nights as much as possible since we know they will be rare in these months to come. But now that I feel like I'm holding a huge watermelon between my legs its been a challenge. We do try to make it out for wing night on Wednesday nights, because honestly who could pass up 39 cent wings? We also scored some awesome movie passes during Christmas time, and since we LOVE going to movies, we've been doing that a lot as well. Date nights with this incredibly amazing man are always a must, because these days of just him and I will be in short supply in about 4 1/2 weeks. Even if its only playing Call of Duty, and eating junk food - I'll take it.

Time of Thanksgiving.

So living in Canada as an American is kind of a challenge at times. Especially during certain holidays like 4th of July and Thanksgiving. Canadians celebrate their Independence on July 1st, and their Thanksgiving on the second Monday of October. In my family those are pretty big holidays to celebrate, apart from Christmas. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite. I'm the baby of my family you see, and so by the time I was married my siblings were grown, and had families of their own and lived all around the States. So it was always a time with my mom and dad, and I to just be together. Watch movies, EAT, talk about what we're grateful for, what we would like to really improve on in the graditude department, and so on. This year is a little different. It's the first year without my Dad.

This week has been particularly hard on me. Being pregnant my emotions are already heightened, and range from all sides of the emotional pole, and I've just been stuck in this sad whirlwind. Thinking has always been my worse enemy, and now all I have time to do is think. Think about how drastically my life has changed in the past few years, and how things are going to turn out in the future. I'm far away from home with no real connection to my family besides a phone call. It's been quite the challenge. It never use to be though. Looking back I loved to travel, and jumped at the chance to be away from my ever so protective parents. And now all I crave is to be close to them. My mom and I have always had a bit of a struggling relationship. Not that we weren't close, we were extremely close. We were just so alike in a so many different ways we couldn't be compatiable with how each other thought, or reacted to certain things under one roof. But ever since my Dad first got sick, up until he passed we've drawn closer together. It pains me to be so far away from her.

Last night Keagan took me out on a little date. We went to Taco Bell to satifiy my ridiculous preggo craving. When we first were walking in there was this homeless man who was also walking inside to use the bathroom. At first I was kind of put off by his odd mutterings, and weird hand gestures while talking to himself, but I didn't think anything more about him when we walked up to the counter to order. While I was filling my drink up, and gathering some much needed sauce packets, Keagan walks over to the front door to talk to the homeless man, who was now standing in the loft area between the outside door and door to the inside. He asks the man if he was hungry and would like some tacos. The man looked shocked, and gracely replied that he would love some. So Keagan walks over to me and just says, "I'm going to give him some of our tacos okay?". I couldn't even react fast enough, he just grabs them and hands them to the man. We sit down, and couldn't help but just stare up at my amazing husband. I say to him, "You know Keags you are the most amazing man ever, and I'm pretty sure I just fell more in love with you." He laughs is off and says, "Why? Because I gave him tacos?" The thing is it wasn't the fact that he gave him tacos. It was the fact that he didn't even think about it. It just came naturally to him. It put so much prespective into my mind. I have been so wrapped up in my own feelings, and depressed thought process to care to think about anything else.

While sitting there I was reminded of a cute story that happened when my Dad was in the hospital. We went for a walk down the hallway, and we saw this guy with his leg strapped up in a cast held up above him in a sling. I said to my dad, "Man that guy is messed up. That is so sucky." My Dad turns, looks and says, "Oh man I hope he's okay." When we got near the nurses station, that was only a few steps from my dads room, he asks one of the nurses if he can bring the boy in the room with the broken leg a newspaper, magazine, a doughnut, or just something to cheer him up. They said that they didn't have any magazines, except some "chick" ones, and that he was a diabetic. My Dad just had this determined look on his face, but let it go. While I'm in his room looking for a movie for us to watch I turn to ask my dad a question, and he's no where to be seen. (Now my dad has been in the hospital for almost a week, and has tried to escape 4 times. So needless to say I was frantically looking for him.) I run down the hall looking for him, go to the nurses station, and they say they haven't seen him, but offer to help look. As I look away from the counter down the other side of the hallway, the way we came from his walk, I see him skipping towards me. I start laughing and ask him where he was. He just said simply, "I went to bring my newspaper down to that boy, but turns out he wasn't a boy. He was a grown man." I just smiled at him. Here's a man dying of cancer, and in tremendous amount of pain, and it just came so naturally to him to help a guy he didn't even know who was plagued with boredom, and a broken leg laid up in his hospital bed. It was such a small gesture, but it meant so much to the man who was released the next day.

Sitting there with Keags I asked him what he was most thankful for in the world. He just sat there for a bit, and finally said, "Honestly, I'm thankful for everything. I can't think of one thing I'm not entirely grateful for in my life." It made me think about what I'm truly thankful for.

I'm so thankful to have such a loving, compassionate, understanding husband who loves me everyday to the fullest of his extent, and makes me the happiest woman possible. Who takes care of me when I am at my sickest, and when I am completely healthy. Who shares the same beliefs, and is always striving for our family to become closer to Heavenly Father. I am so thankful that he will be the father of my children. I am thankful for little Renner inside my belly, who is constantly reminding me just how strong he is becoming. I am thankful that I had a Dad so loving and caring to me. Who made me the woman I am today, and taught me the most incredible things I couldn't even begin to explain. Who taught me what to look for in a husband. Who shared his amazing humor gene with me, along with his other amazing traits. Who taught me to embrace life and death with open arms. I'm thankful that I have such an amazing Mother. Whos strength and undying love, and compassion taught me how to love others unconditionally, and to not be afraid of the life I've been given. Who taught me how to have equal measures of being a lover and fighter. Who taught me how to be carefree, and fun. But most of all how to be cautious of the dangers of the world. I'm thankful for my sister who has always played such a huge role in my life. She taught me how to be an amazing mother and wife, and to look at things always in the best light, even when things appear awful during their darkest moments. I'm thankful for my brothers, who have all taught me how to fight properly, how to respect myself as a lady, and how to be the girly-est tomboy around. I'm especially thankful for my sister in law Becky, who without her I surely wouldn't be where I am today. She taught me what it takes to stand up for what I believe in, and how to live a life worth living. Also, I am thankful for our amazing dog Roxy. Without her my life when my husband is away would be terribly boring, and depressing. She brings so much joy into our life its crazy. If we are this obsessed about our little doggie I can only imagine how it will be for our kids!

I have many things I am thankful for in my life. Earthly things, as well as Spiritual things. I am extremely sad that my Dad is gone now, but I am also extremely thankful for the gospel in my life that has taught me that I will see him again, and that he will never truly leave me. I do have to remind myself of that fact from time to time, but I know that he wouldn't want me to be suffering from him going to do the Lord's work. This coming year things will be different. We will be parents. Who knows where we will be living. But one thing is certain. My graditude and love for life, my family, my friends, and everything else that the Lord has blessed us with will be more intense. Life is constantly changing, and throwing us in directions we want and don`t want to go in, but we have control over how we react to these changes. I want to be the best possible role model for our son, and the best mother I can be. Mistakes will happen. Sadness and joy are always apart of my life. But I will live that life in the best possible way I know how, and better.

 

Baby Names Of My Mind.

Well everyone I've reached the 5 1/2 months point and one thing that is on my mind constantly is NAMES. We're having a boy right? And I want his name to be rad, with a little edge to it. My dad recently passed away and I have the strongest feeling to put his middle name as our baby boys middle name, which is Duane. I love it because its my dad's. It's familiar, strong, and makes me feel like he will always be close with our little guy.

In the beginning when thinking of different names I just knew we were having a boy so that's really all we came up with. One of them was Sawyer. Only because 1. I am in TV love with the character from Lost -- Can't get enough of him! But that shortly died. I absolutely love coming up with names though. That has to be the funnest part about being pregnant I swear -- besides Pinteresting amazing nursery ideas. Anyways, we have come across the typical baby names on the baby websites, but they just aren't speaking to me.

Some name choices that we did start to love were Ayden, Mason, and Karter. Our finally decision though, and I am so extremely happy with is Renner Duane Paisley. It is difficult though. If I think about it for too long I start to change my mind, but then I remember how much I have been in love with the name Renner, and I'm good. The thing that does bother me the most are the people with the opinions when you're choosing a name. My goodness I couldn't believe it! I mean granted I've given my own sister a hard time when she was thinking about names for her kiddos, but geeeeez. So now I've learned to just smile and thank them for their opinions, but I think the name is rad, and he will too. :) The one thing I do love about the name is that its unique, but not in a weird sense. If people want to call him Ren for short, be my guest!

I'm still diggin Renner. ;)