Today was a very inspiring, faith boosting, special day. 

Renner took 2 steps all on his own. 

After he took those 2 fantastic steps he squatted down while looking at me, and smiled. I clapped, and praised him. He clapped along. Sweetest thing ever watching him clap. 

I attempted to get him to do it again a few minutes later. 

And what happened next was beyond tender..

I stood him up, coaxing him to come to me, but he just stood there. 

Staring up into absolutely nothing.

But was there actually nothing there? 

He smiled. Not just a normal smile for me, but the most precious, big smile I've ever seen on him. 

I tried to get him to walk to me, but he kept looking up towards the wall.. Just smiling. I look back, and immediately was overcome with warmth. I start smiling, turn back towards Ren and said, "Is your Poppy here?" (Poppy is my Dad's "Grandpa" name) He looked at me, then back to the spot.. The smile on his face a mile wide. 

I can feel my eyes start to burn with tears. 

"Ren, is Poppy here to see you really walk for the first time?" 

He squats down.. Too distracted to focus on walking. He crawls over to the spot he's been smiling at. He sits down, and starts laughing. The sweetest laugh I've ever heard. Then he starts clapping. Just grinning and laughing at the wall, and clapping. 

I am bawling sitting on the kitchen floor watching this sweet encounter. 

So overwhelmed with love. 

I can feel my Dad sometimes. Even if it's a brief bit of warmth. Just a reassurance that he is here. Renner, I know, can see him. He always has. Nothing makes me happier, or makes me feel more at peace than knowing Renner has my Dad watching over him. 

Having this gospel in our lives is such a huge blessing, to me personally. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would be a complete wreck without it. It gives me peace, and an assurance that I will see my Dad again. 

Losing a loved one is so incredible hard. And whenever I am struggling, I

 get on my hands and knees, and I pray. 

I pray for Heavenly Father to give me strength, and courage to get through this. And ask that he will also provide me with warmth, and comfort so I feel less c

old from the sadness, and that I don't feel so alone. 

We all need a little bit of faith booster at times. And mine is that, I know that I will see all of my loved ones who have passed on, and who will pass on before me, again. 

But that's not to say that I don't miss him every single day. I do. But truthfully, although he is gone from this life, he will always be immortal to me here because I have a small piece of him crawling around our house. 

I see bits of him growing in Renner everyday. The way he smiles, and the creases around his eyes become more profound. The way his nostrils are a bit more rounder than Keagan's or mine. Even when he laughs or smiles, and I see a perfect mix of him and Keagan all around his precious face. 

Nothing is sweeter than that. 

"Be still, and know. That I'm with you."

Love Is A Many Splendid Thing.

As I lay here in bed tonight Pinteresting, and distracted by how tomorrow will go down, and all of the random, unimportant things that need to be done; like, how I need to clean this or that, what needs to be taken care of, I really need to go buy chalk, I need to go get more blood work done, I definitely need a shower.. And as I'm going through all of these awesome Pins, I come across this amazing blog post about this lady who wrote about the 10 things she would like to improve on as a wife, or just advice for other women, about how to become a "Godly" wife, and I was taken aback. It was beautifully written, and so extremely true in so many ways.

Sometimes I forgot how to "feed" my husband because I get caught up in my own self with worries and thoughts, and worldly things that I often forget that Keagan is the most important people in my life. 

He is my beloved husband who cares, and nurtures me with every ounce of his being. He always has my back, when I feel defeated. He always stands up for me, even when I am wrong, and then kindly sits me down and tells me later that I was indeed wrong. He has had faith in me since the day we met, and has never doubted me. He always makes sure my needs are met before his. He stays home from work when I need him the most, even if it would require us to suffer financially. He lets me sleep in on his days off to play with Renner. He is a worthy priesthood holder. He helps me understand basic scriptural and doctrinal knowledge, without any sort of belittlement. He makes me laugh every single day. He makes high stress situation feel less stressful. He helps drag me out of "Kayla's World", and brings me back into reality. So many things that I could go on about that he helps me be the best person I can be, and loves me for all my short comings. 

So tonight as I lay here beside my loving husband, who is fast asleep, I listen to his deep breathing, that I can't sleep without, and I can't help but feel giddy, and realize that I have never been so full of love, and have never been shown the kind of love that he has shown me in my entire life. It is a different type of love. And I love it. 

Keagan deserves to have a wife who takes care of him, and who will cherish him. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I take that for granted. I feel that every husband is this way, or that this is the normal. But then I read these stories, or hear things about others, and realize just how lucky I am. Husbands need to be told when they are appreciated, and need to know that they are loved. It's simple. And sadly, I forget to tell him how grateful I am for all of the things he does. Husbands need to be fed, and not just the literally feeding, but actual words and actions. They need to be shown that they are loved. Husbands need to know that they are the head of the household. I have a semi-dominant personality, and sometimes I know when to let go, and other times I keep on going. And certains times it's a good thing, but most of the time I know I'm wrong, and know it makes Keagan feel semi-inadequate. I need to take a step back, and remember that he is the priesthood holder of our household, and he knows what needs to be done. He is our protecter, our provider, and that's how they were created, and how God destined them to be. 

I am guilty for a lot of things, and I know that I need to work on quite a few areas to become the woman I need to be. I'm not saying that I need to necessarily do a drastic, life altering change, but I do need to tweak a few things about myself so we can live a happier life. And the way I start doing that is by becoming completely selfless, humble, and becoming stronger in my faith. I have heard countless times that, "once you start putting Heavenly Father first, everything else falls into place", and I believe that is 100% true. I also believe that you can make any relationship work as long as there is some compatibility, love, and trust there. I believe that there are unlimited paths you could take that will bring you to any person that you "can" marry. But I also believe that Heavenly Father has one particular person in mind for you that is the absolute perfect match who is design just for you. And I know that I have found mine. 

I know that Keagan and I knew each other before this life. I know that we are meant to be. How do I know that? Was there a huge giant sign that pointed me directly to him? Did Heavenly Father tell me it was the right thing to do? Well, I hate to disappoint, but no. There wasn't any specific sign. There wasn't this overwhelming desire, or gut punching feeling that I had to be with him.. Well, not exactly. What I felt was entirely different. I felt completely at peace. I had zero doubts. I felt overwhelmingly blissful. I felt compelled that he was the only one for me. I felt at peace. 

Most LDS folks, or Mormons, would ask, did you pray about him? Like, did you pray if he was the right choice? What if you aren't meant to be with him? Well, I wasn't technically raised in the church, but I have always had this thought that, why would you have to pray if this was the right man for me to marry if we have free agency? I would have thought that Heavenly Father wouldn't give you the answer one way or the other because it's our right to choose. Now, yes, of course he will guide you. But to directly make the biggest decision of your entire life? I just don't understand it. Anyways, of course I prayed about Keagan, I just didn't pray about him like that. I prayed, and told my Heavenly Father that I am marrying him, and I hope that he will give me his blessing, and help me be the best wife I can be, and help guide us in this life together with Him as our foundation. 

Now, on that note I have made a vow to myself that I will start remembering to put my Heavenly Father first. And that I will show Keagan how much he means to me, and this family each and everyday. I will remember that Keagan and I are human. We make mistakes, but that our love is undeniable. That there is no ending our marriage when times get rough. That our goal on this Earth is to learn, grow, raise a family, be charitable, have faith, be sealed in the Temple for time and all eternity, love each other with every fiber of our being, speak only kind words to one another, and then one day we will return to live with our Father in heaven.

Goals. Goals. Goals.

I have never been one to set goals, much less complete the little ones I actually do set. It's always been a huge fault of mine. Maybe fault is the wrong word, but its definitely a big shortcoming of mine. And I say that with the utmost honesty. But ever since we have had Renner I have felt a switch click on. Kind of feels like an electric surge through my body. I've felt more motivated, and confident in completing the tasks and challenges that have been placed in front of me.

So continuing with that frame of mind, and picturing me really never completing an important goal, minus graduating High School and Seminary, imagine my surprise when I was overwhelmed with this extremely strong prompting to complete a very important goal. That goal was to completely finish the Book of Mormon from start to finish. (For those who have no idea what that is, or have heard of it, and might not think its worth your time, I promise you it is.I encourage you to click the link, and find the truth for yourself.)

I have read the BOM plenty of times, even went through it for seminary, but never have I sat down and really read or studied what I was reading. I'm barely making it out of 1st Nephi now, and I can see the difference in my life. I have felt more at peace, more loving, and even feeling stronger in my testimony. There is more of a light in my life. I have lived without this light for so long in my life, and only had a brief experience with it when I was younger, and while living in Texas. But now its a different feeling. Being married to Keagan has been an incredible change, and has brought so much happiness in my life I can't even begin to describe, and having Renner has made it even more blissful.

When we found out my Dad was sick with cancer, and maybe only had a few months left I felt like someone just punched me in the gut. So I did what a lot of people do in troubling times; I clung to the scriptures like they were my life raft. Then after he died I dwindled away from them. Read them only when necessary, or just at church. Never just for me, or for my family. My guess is because I was never brought up with the thought that they are there for you to read at anytime. To either receive personal revelation, help keep you afloat with difficult times, keep you feeling strong, or just make your life brighter. Ever since I made it a personal goal of mine to read and study them its made me happier. Not that I'm an unhappy person, but it just makes everything around me feel lighter, and feel closer to my Heavenly Father.

Growing up I was clueless to a lot all of the basic stories of the Book of Mormon, and even a lot of the Bible stories that most people know. So while making it my goal to read it, and not just skim it, I'm going to really study, and focus on what is being said, and pray when I am struggling - Or just ask my amazingly, sexy husband. But the thing is I'm not just doing it though for my own knowledge and spirituality, although that is a huge part of it, I'm mostly doing it for my family. They deserve it. Leaving it at that, let me share my favorite scripture: Moroni 10. It brings me a sense of hope, and reverence.

Time of Thanksgiving.

So living in Canada as an American is kind of a challenge at times. Especially during certain holidays like 4th of July and Thanksgiving. Canadians celebrate their Independence on July 1st, and their Thanksgiving on the second Monday of October. In my family those are pretty big holidays to celebrate, apart from Christmas. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite. I'm the baby of my family you see, and so by the time I was married my siblings were grown, and had families of their own and lived all around the States. So it was always a time with my mom and dad, and I to just be together. Watch movies, EAT, talk about what we're grateful for, what we would like to really improve on in the graditude department, and so on. This year is a little different. It's the first year without my Dad.

This week has been particularly hard on me. Being pregnant my emotions are already heightened, and range from all sides of the emotional pole, and I've just been stuck in this sad whirlwind. Thinking has always been my worse enemy, and now all I have time to do is think. Think about how drastically my life has changed in the past few years, and how things are going to turn out in the future. I'm far away from home with no real connection to my family besides a phone call. It's been quite the challenge. It never use to be though. Looking back I loved to travel, and jumped at the chance to be away from my ever so protective parents. And now all I crave is to be close to them. My mom and I have always had a bit of a struggling relationship. Not that we weren't close, we were extremely close. We were just so alike in a so many different ways we couldn't be compatiable with how each other thought, or reacted to certain things under one roof. But ever since my Dad first got sick, up until he passed we've drawn closer together. It pains me to be so far away from her.

Last night Keagan took me out on a little date. We went to Taco Bell to satifiy my ridiculous preggo craving. When we first were walking in there was this homeless man who was also walking inside to use the bathroom. At first I was kind of put off by his odd mutterings, and weird hand gestures while talking to himself, but I didn't think anything more about him when we walked up to the counter to order. While I was filling my drink up, and gathering some much needed sauce packets, Keagan walks over to the front door to talk to the homeless man, who was now standing in the loft area between the outside door and door to the inside. He asks the man if he was hungry and would like some tacos. The man looked shocked, and gracely replied that he would love some. So Keagan walks over to me and just says, "I'm going to give him some of our tacos okay?". I couldn't even react fast enough, he just grabs them and hands them to the man. We sit down, and couldn't help but just stare up at my amazing husband. I say to him, "You know Keags you are the most amazing man ever, and I'm pretty sure I just fell more in love with you." He laughs is off and says, "Why? Because I gave him tacos?" The thing is it wasn't the fact that he gave him tacos. It was the fact that he didn't even think about it. It just came naturally to him. It put so much prespective into my mind. I have been so wrapped up in my own feelings, and depressed thought process to care to think about anything else.

While sitting there I was reminded of a cute story that happened when my Dad was in the hospital. We went for a walk down the hallway, and we saw this guy with his leg strapped up in a cast held up above him in a sling. I said to my dad, "Man that guy is messed up. That is so sucky." My Dad turns, looks and says, "Oh man I hope he's okay." When we got near the nurses station, that was only a few steps from my dads room, he asks one of the nurses if he can bring the boy in the room with the broken leg a newspaper, magazine, a doughnut, or just something to cheer him up. They said that they didn't have any magazines, except some "chick" ones, and that he was a diabetic. My Dad just had this determined look on his face, but let it go. While I'm in his room looking for a movie for us to watch I turn to ask my dad a question, and he's no where to be seen. (Now my dad has been in the hospital for almost a week, and has tried to escape 4 times. So needless to say I was frantically looking for him.) I run down the hall looking for him, go to the nurses station, and they say they haven't seen him, but offer to help look. As I look away from the counter down the other side of the hallway, the way we came from his walk, I see him skipping towards me. I start laughing and ask him where he was. He just said simply, "I went to bring my newspaper down to that boy, but turns out he wasn't a boy. He was a grown man." I just smiled at him. Here's a man dying of cancer, and in tremendous amount of pain, and it just came so naturally to him to help a guy he didn't even know who was plagued with boredom, and a broken leg laid up in his hospital bed. It was such a small gesture, but it meant so much to the man who was released the next day.

Sitting there with Keags I asked him what he was most thankful for in the world. He just sat there for a bit, and finally said, "Honestly, I'm thankful for everything. I can't think of one thing I'm not entirely grateful for in my life." It made me think about what I'm truly thankful for.

I'm so thankful to have such a loving, compassionate, understanding husband who loves me everyday to the fullest of his extent, and makes me the happiest woman possible. Who takes care of me when I am at my sickest, and when I am completely healthy. Who shares the same beliefs, and is always striving for our family to become closer to Heavenly Father. I am so thankful that he will be the father of my children. I am thankful for little Renner inside my belly, who is constantly reminding me just how strong he is becoming. I am thankful that I had a Dad so loving and caring to me. Who made me the woman I am today, and taught me the most incredible things I couldn't even begin to explain. Who taught me what to look for in a husband. Who shared his amazing humor gene with me, along with his other amazing traits. Who taught me to embrace life and death with open arms. I'm thankful that I have such an amazing Mother. Whos strength and undying love, and compassion taught me how to love others unconditionally, and to not be afraid of the life I've been given. Who taught me how to have equal measures of being a lover and fighter. Who taught me how to be carefree, and fun. But most of all how to be cautious of the dangers of the world. I'm thankful for my sister who has always played such a huge role in my life. She taught me how to be an amazing mother and wife, and to look at things always in the best light, even when things appear awful during their darkest moments. I'm thankful for my brothers, who have all taught me how to fight properly, how to respect myself as a lady, and how to be the girly-est tomboy around. I'm especially thankful for my sister in law Becky, who without her I surely wouldn't be where I am today. She taught me what it takes to stand up for what I believe in, and how to live a life worth living. Also, I am thankful for our amazing dog Roxy. Without her my life when my husband is away would be terribly boring, and depressing. She brings so much joy into our life its crazy. If we are this obsessed about our little doggie I can only imagine how it will be for our kids!

I have many things I am thankful for in my life. Earthly things, as well as Spiritual things. I am extremely sad that my Dad is gone now, but I am also extremely thankful for the gospel in my life that has taught me that I will see him again, and that he will never truly leave me. I do have to remind myself of that fact from time to time, but I know that he wouldn't want me to be suffering from him going to do the Lord's work. This coming year things will be different. We will be parents. Who knows where we will be living. But one thing is certain. My graditude and love for life, my family, my friends, and everything else that the Lord has blessed us with will be more intense. Life is constantly changing, and throwing us in directions we want and don`t want to go in, but we have control over how we react to these changes. I want to be the best possible role model for our son, and the best mother I can be. Mistakes will happen. Sadness and joy are always apart of my life. But I will live that life in the best possible way I know how, and better.

 

New Year.

Forewarning. This blog report is quite long. 

Please Be Advised. 

George Albert Smith.

What an incredible individual this man was. We were given a lesson this past Sunday that hit me like a stack of bricks. It was the first lesson of the G.A.S. Manual, and for those who haven’t read it, I highly recommend you do. And for the folks who have no idea what I’m talking about, chill. I’ll explain. 

Basically, it was about “Living What We Believe”, which is ironically what the title was called, whatdoyah know. It talks about how when George was 34 years old, he created a list of resolutions. (Which I think is perfect that we were being taught this lesson in the beginning of the New Year.) He titled the list, his “Personal Creed”-

1.  “I would be a friend to the friendless, and find joy in ministering for faith to be healed.”

2.  “I would visit the sick and afflicted and inspire in them a desire for faith to be healed.”

3. “I would teach the truth to the understanding and blessing of all mankind.”

4. “I would seek out the erring one and try to win him back to a righteous and happy life.”

5. “I would not seek to force people to live up to my ideals but rather love them into doing the thing that is right.”  (Which I must say, this is one of my favorites.)

6. “I would live with the masses and help to solve their problems that their earth life may be happy.”

7.  “I would avoid the publicity of high positions and discourage the flattery of thoughtless friends.”

8. “I would not knowingly wound the feelings of any, not even one who may have wronged me, but would seek to do him good and make him my friend.”

9. I would overcome the tendency to selfishness and jealously and rejoice in the successes of all the children of my Heavenly Father.”

10.        “I would not be an enemy to any living soul.”

I don’t know about any of you guys. . . But I felt like absolute crap after reading this. I know that I can be a good person, and say the right things. But is my heart in the right place when I do or say such things? 

A company that my sister, Stephanie, and her husband have fallen in love with is called, The Arbinger Institute. Basically, the main frame of their thinking is being “Out-Of-The-Box”, which means, they are trying to make people see others and themselves, situations, and problems differently. So, I couldn’t help but consider their main ideas and compare it to the George Albert Smith’s,“Personal Creed”. 

A lot of us are probably thinking, well I can’t always help others. I have myself and my family to think about. Oh, of course. By all means, I am far from the “perfect” saint, who feeds the poor, and clothes the naked. I try and do my part as a good citizen of society, but frankly I kind of suck at it sometimes. But here’s where that “Out-Of-The-Box” thinking comes in.

For people that don’t know this, I’ll let you in on a little secret. There are (4)common boxes that everyone “carries” in their lifetime, or even maybe all the time. Who knows. What I do know is that I have definitely been a carrier. Those (4) Boxes are known as simply:

1.  The “Worse-Than” Box

2.  The “Better-Than” Box

3. The “Must Be Seen As” Box

4. The “I Deserve” Box

Now, you are probably putting the pieces together because I know y’all are smart, but why do you think these boxes have any reason to be associated with the great George Albert Smith’s creed? Well, I’m going to go over a few of his creed notions, and tell you how learning about it has got me thinking about when I have been inside the box, how I think about the creed to help get myself out of it.

Well, let’s start with the first couple creed notions.

1.  “I would be a friend to the friendless, and find joy in ministering for faith to be healed.”

2.  “I would visit the sick and afflicted and inspire in them a desire for faith to be healed.”

If you were thinking “Inside the Box”, you could honestly have either one of the 4. But let’s go with. . . The “Worse-Than” box. That’s something that I would totally do. I have been awesomely diagnosed with Endometriosis. It’s not fatal or life threatening, or any of that mumbo jumbo. It just causes a good amount of pain to my ovaries and legs once in a while, and then goes away for a while, and then rejoins me. So with me saying that, I can easily say that I am in “way to much pain to go help my friend who is sick with the flu, and has two kids, because well I’m just way sicker than her.” Wow. Kind of a rude thing to say, huh? But let’s face it. Everyone has those days, right?

Ezra Taft Benson told a story about George Albert Smith, who did indeed “visit the sick and afflicted and inspire in them a desire for a faith to be healed”. He said, “I shall never cease to be grateful for the visits he made to my home while I was (away) serving as a humble missionary. . . . Particularly I am thankful for a visit in the still of the night when our little one lay at death’s door. Without any announcement, President Smith found time to come into that home and place his hands upon the head of that little one, held in her mother’s arms as she had been for many hours, and promise her complete recovery. This was President Smith, he always had time to help, particularly those who were sick, those who needed him most.” 

What an incredible man right? For him to just pop over to Ezra Taft Benson’s house, without even bother telling people he was coming, and give his daughter a blessing. That could have been a total inconvience on President Smith, or his family, but did he show any concern about himself? No, not at all. All he was worried about was this little girl, and the mother watching her daughter waste away from this terrible illness.

Now, what would of happened if George Albert Smith would have been in the “Worse-Than” box? He probably wouldn’t of gone over and helped her at all. 

In the “Worse-Than” box, I tend to find myself just thinking about well, myself. Like I said before with my friend who had the flu and two kids; I was hurting quite badly that day, I still haven’t done a thing around the house because I’ve been in bed, she will for surely be better by tomorrow, and if I go over there now I’ll just end up hurting myself more in the long run, and, and. . Oh come on. Give me a break. Someone please slap me already! That is called, J U S T I F C A T I O N, my friend. 

Take a good look at what it looks like folks, because it is not getting any prettier. How do I get myself out of this crazy justification mess!? 

Well for one, I myself pray. I pray to Heavenly Father to give me strength to help a friend in need. I pray that he will bless her that she may be able to heal from this terrible illness that has fallen upon her. I pray that me going over there will provide her with comfort and love. Of course, I’m not completely out of pain by the time my prayer is done. What I do feel is just the right amount strength to go over and see her. I feel that I will help her with just stopping by and saying hello, and helping her with what she needs done. 

Moroni 7:45 & 47 “And charity suffereth long, and is kind and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seekth not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in inquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

“But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.”

On to our next phase! Here are the next (2) of George Albert Smith’s personal creed:

4.   “I would seek out the erring one and try to win him back to a righteous and happy life.”

5. “I would not seek to force people to live up to my ideals but rather love them into doing the thing that is right.” 

I have always had a struggle with the church, and for that have fallen away for the majority of my life. I cannot tell you what a box I created with people who looked down on me because of what I was doing. Granted I was doing wrong, but come on people. Like you’ve never made a mistake in your ENTIRE life?! Well, because of those good doer’s, I created the “Better-Than” box. I mean how dare them! Trying to make me to be a great Mormon when they can’t even get their coffee drinking under control! The nerve of some people’s kids I swear. 

Alright, alright. My thinking was a tad bit over board. But at the time I was totally justified to think that way because well, “I’m “Better-Than” them.” At least I wasn’t drinking coffee, or doing whatever else they were doing. I was making my own mistakes. I was following my own trail of destruction. 

I was definitely blessed when a little help came into my life. Now, because of my, awesome “Better-Than” behavior, I was “transferred” to San Antonio, Texas, where my brother, Chris, and sister-in-law, Becky, live. Becky and Chris play(ed) a huge role in my life. I tear up when I say that because they really did. Those two loved me like there was no tomorrow, and it freaked me out. 

They were tough on me don’t get me wrong, but I needed that tough love. Now what was awesome about them was that, they never “forced” me to do anything, unless I did something stupid and they grounded me – which frequently happened. They would give me the tools I needed, say the right thing, and hoped I picked the right answer. Well, what I forgot to mention was they also have (4) kids they are raising also. They could of easily said they couldn’t take me, because they already have to take care of their (4) kids! Why on Earth would they want to have another one, who is almost 18, and screwing up her life? But they didn’t. Not only did they allow me into their home, but made me apart of their family. They taught me what Christ love is all about, and how the Atonement works.

After a while of going to church, mutual, and all other sorts of church activities, I started to realize that, I’m not better than anyone. They are all just like me. They deal with the same outer worldly problems that I do. They have family problems. They struggle with the gospel. They are all human; like me. 

Alma 34:31: “Yea, I would that ye would come forth and harder not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time and the day of your salvation..”

Moving on to my absolute LEAST favorite part of this creed:

7.  “I would avoid the publicity of high positions and discourage the flattery of thoughtless friends.”

SO MANY  countless times I have said that someone has looked nice, or they did a really good job on something. But looking back have I just said those things to make me look good, or make them feel good? That’s the twister part of it, and where the “I Must Be Seen As” box comes in. When I carry this box, I usually don’t show the fact that I’m resenting something about someone. I am a really nice person. I love talking to people, and making them feel good about themselves. I know it makes me feel better when someone compliments me on something I’m wearing, or something I taught, or even something I said. So, of course I absolutely LOVE to do the same thing back to people. But when I look deeper into it, am I just saying those things because I want people to still think of me as a nice person, and that they expect me to say that? Or do I truly, and honestly mean it? If I were to go into the psychological part of it, I would say a bit of both. I do love making people feel better, and I want to be known as a nice person. 

This box I have always had a hard time understanding because the “Must Be Seen As” box can mean so many things. It could be that you work at a fancy company, so you have to drive a sports car. It could be you’re a skater, so you have to shop at PacSun or Zumiez. It could mean an endless amount of things. So now the question is how do I make my compliments only about them, and not consider myself in the picture? Well, it’s easy! I don’t just dish out compliments anymore. I really think about what exactly I’m complimenting that person on, and why I think they need to hear it.

This last one is my favorite, but also one of the hardest parts in this post that I have struggled with:

8. “I would not knowingly wound the feelings of any, not even one who may have wronged me, but would seek to do him good and make him my friend.”

9. “I would overcome the tendency to selfishness and jealously and rejoice in the successes of all the children of my Heavenly Father.”

10.        “I would not be an enemy to any living soul.”

I will say that I am a nice person, but don’t get me wrong I’m not THE nicest person. I have my downfalls. Especially, when it comes to people hurting my loved ones, or even myself. I cannot handle people who hurt my family for kicks, or who just are having a bad day, or just because they simply can get away with it. That “I Deserve” box is looking pretty friendly right about now. I know that “I Deserve” not be treated that way, nor my family. “I Deserve” to have the right to kick their teeth in. “I Deserve” to grace them with the attitude that they bestowed upon me. “I Deserve” to not show them any kindness in the world, because they have no kindness in their heart. 

So, let’s take a step back and think about a story that Spencer W. Kimball told about George Albert Smith that “demonstrated his conviction to do good”. He said, “It was reported to (President Smith) that someone had stolen from his buggy, the buggy robe. Instead of being angry, he re­sponded: ‘I wish we knew who it was, so that we could give him the blanket also, for he must have been cold; and some food also, for he must have been hungry.”

What a great person it takes to be able to think about the man who just stolen something from you, and only be concerned about him. In Luke 5:35 & 36 it tell of Jesus saying, “But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest; for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.” – “Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.”

There are times that people make me so upset that all I can think about is wanting to punch their face. But what am I spiritually gaining from acting like that? Nothing. I’m not making my Heavenly Father proud. I’m not helping my family heal. I’m not helping myself heal. All I’m doing is damaging myself, and the opportunity for the Holy Ghost to be with me. That doesn’t help anyone. Not the person who hurt me. Not my family. Not me. No one. So what good does it do to feel such hateful feelings towards someone? It doesn’t do any good to myself at all. I’m becoming an enemy to God. I’m trying to “knowingly wound the feelings” of the person who harmed me. And why? So I can eat out of the revenge dish? No thank you. 

This one is the hardest for me because I am fiercely protective over my family. I know though that the person, who did the damage, is almost a part of my family. Not my immediate Earthly family, but they are a son/daughter of Heavenly Father.

Mosiah 3:19 - “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticing of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

So as you can see I have been accompanied many times with the (4) boxes. But I always try to put my faith in Heavenly Father first to help me see how I am wrong, and how to help me find the knowledge to fix it. I’m far from perfect, but I hope this year I can try to live up to George Albert Smith’s creed, and in doing so become a better wife, sister, daughter, friend, and a be better citizen in my community.