Today was a very inspiring, faith boosting, special day. 

Renner took 2 steps all on his own. 

After he took those 2 fantastic steps he squatted down while looking at me, and smiled. I clapped, and praised him. He clapped along. Sweetest thing ever watching him clap. 

I attempted to get him to do it again a few minutes later. 

And what happened next was beyond tender..

I stood him up, coaxing him to come to me, but he just stood there. 

Staring up into absolutely nothing.

But was there actually nothing there? 

He smiled. Not just a normal smile for me, but the most precious, big smile I've ever seen on him. 

I tried to get him to walk to me, but he kept looking up towards the wall.. Just smiling. I look back, and immediately was overcome with warmth. I start smiling, turn back towards Ren and said, "Is your Poppy here?" (Poppy is my Dad's "Grandpa" name) He looked at me, then back to the spot.. The smile on his face a mile wide. 

I can feel my eyes start to burn with tears. 

"Ren, is Poppy here to see you really walk for the first time?" 

He squats down.. Too distracted to focus on walking. He crawls over to the spot he's been smiling at. He sits down, and starts laughing. The sweetest laugh I've ever heard. Then he starts clapping. Just grinning and laughing at the wall, and clapping. 

I am bawling sitting on the kitchen floor watching this sweet encounter. 

So overwhelmed with love. 

I can feel my Dad sometimes. Even if it's a brief bit of warmth. Just a reassurance that he is here. Renner, I know, can see him. He always has. Nothing makes me happier, or makes me feel more at peace than knowing Renner has my Dad watching over him. 

Having this gospel in our lives is such a huge blessing, to me personally. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would be a complete wreck without it. It gives me peace, and an assurance that I will see my Dad again. 

Losing a loved one is so incredible hard. And whenever I am struggling, I

 get on my hands and knees, and I pray. 

I pray for Heavenly Father to give me strength, and courage to get through this. And ask that he will also provide me with warmth, and comfort so I feel less c

old from the sadness, and that I don't feel so alone. 

We all need a little bit of faith booster at times. And mine is that, I know that I will see all of my loved ones who have passed on, and who will pass on before me, again. 

But that's not to say that I don't miss him every single day. I do. But truthfully, although he is gone from this life, he will always be immortal to me here because I have a small piece of him crawling around our house. 

I see bits of him growing in Renner everyday. The way he smiles, and the creases around his eyes become more profound. The way his nostrils are a bit more rounder than Keagan's or mine. Even when he laughs or smiles, and I see a perfect mix of him and Keagan all around his precious face. 

Nothing is sweeter than that. 

"Be still, and know. That I'm with you."

Bedridden.

I had surgery this past Monday to go in and look around my uterus, just to see how my Endo has been doing, among other things. It turned out okay. I have a new diagnose to add to my list of "things". It's called Pelvic Congestion Syndrome. {I threw a link on it, because I'm to exhausted to explain it / sorry folks} So anyways, I've been stuck in bed the majority of the week doing nothing very productive. I'd like to say that I have been reading, studying scriptures, or catching up on journaling - but I haven't. I've been engulfing Jalapeño Cheetos, & downing water while watching all of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbits - Extended Versions. I feel like a champ.

It's been glorious, and sucky. Glorious because I get to take a beat, let my body heal from the surgery, and let it get some rest. But it's been sucky because I'm not allowed to pick Renner up for 2 weeks, at least, so I haven't been able to hold my baby, rock him, put him to sleep, play with him, clean the house the way I think it needs to be done, cook, or really be any help at all. It's sucked. I hate being useless. You'd think it's been fantastic because I do get to not do anything. But as any other mom would know, it's agonizing. Not to mention my mother will be here in.. 5 hours. But hey, at least I'm - somewhat - healthy! 

I will say how incredibly blessed I am to have the husband I do. He has been a true champion this week. - Thank you vacation time! - But seriously, I'd be truly lost without him. He has stepped up to the plate, and has done absolutely everything I've asked of him, and more. The saying, "Nothing is hotter than your man being a dad", is so extremely accurate. I love watching Renner follow, and swoon over his dad, and vice versa. It's an incredible feeling.