one.   We adopted/saved a precious cat this week. We named her, Rogue Warrior.

twelve.   The number of things I was to sew on my Pinterest Sewing Projects board. I am so beyond excited about finally getting my sewing machine. {My mom brought it for me when she came to visit.}

four.   The number of favorite dinosaurs that he plays with. Most of them kind of scare him.

two.   The number of doctors our poor boy went in and saw in one day.

one.   The 1 wish I have is to go on a date with my man. I am in desperate need.

twenty.   The number of times we've watched Despicable Me because the minions make him so happy.

 

three.   The number of Pedialyte bottles we've gone though.

twenty.   The number of songs on my special playlist that have been replaying over, and over this past week.

ten.   The number of how many times I've been puked on this week.

forty.   The number of times I've called my mom & Keagan's grandma. In a row.
 
countless.   The amount of prep-talks from Keagan I have gotten - Snuggles from an overly sick kid - Overwhelmingly blessed I've felt for modern medicine - And all the amazing help from my wonderful mother, and Keagan's lovely grandmother {I really don't know what I'd do without those 2 beautiful women}.



This is the actual first time Renner has been this sick. He's had minor colds, but nothing like this. And although this week has been nothing but cater to his every single need because he was too unbearable weak to move, it has taught me a lot, and has made me so grateful for the times that he isn't sick. How I am longing for the days where he is screeching, and yelling so loudly. I miss his sweet voice.  But it has taught me that I CAN do this.

There were times I was crying on the phone to Keagan, while he was at work, because I felt defeated, and alone - That I just couldn't do it.

But then my mom said to me, "Kayla, you can. You are a mom. Mom's have superpowers that no one else in the world have. We step up, and do what needs to be done. Tap into them, and use them."

I sobbed. I miss her so much. 20+ hours away from her is too much. But I am grateful for her wisdom, and strength.  Next time Renner is this sick, I will be more prepared.
Well, I'll try at least.

Oh, I Can't Delete That? Crap.

Random Jumbled Thoughts of the Day.

I think my favorite words are: Crap & Freaking.

I wonder what the parents, well.. mostly mom's, will think when Renner comes running up saying, "Holy crap Mom, that kid is so freaking cool!" I, for one, don't know. 

But for now he can't talk, so I'll keep using my favorite words. 

I really wish I can delete some of the words I say out loud. There are times I start saying something.. Stop. Then desperately want to push the backspace button. 

Except, this is real life. And I can't. Crap. 

I just love being honest. I feel like if we all lived in a "Divergent" world though, I'd probably die in the Candor faction. Dauntless all the way! - But seriously, I speak my mind. I am cautious of those around me, feelings, but when I am bursting at the seams with something I know they need to hear, regardless if they'll hate me for it - I say it.

People respect me for it though. And they always know where they stand with me. Enough of this wishy-washy stuff these days. Just be honest. But be loving in your honesty. 

Loving is the keyword here. Honesty comes with the package, but if you're coming from a place of anger or hate.. Then that's a completely different situation. In that case, do what I do, sometimes. Write a letter. It helps. Trust me.

Lots of letters have been written in this household. It keeps anger in check, and you don't loss that respect because of angry/hurtful words.

I love honesty. I love people being honest with me. I think it strengthens your relationship. Helps you grow stronger together. Too many secrets, and hard feelings have threatened plenty of marriages, and friendships.

So I might say "crap" and "freaking" a lot.
But just remember;

I will always call you out on your crap, because I freaking love you.

But if you do tell me I look fat in these jeans. I will cut you.

Confessions.

1. I have started re-watching the Pokemon: Indigo League series, and I am in love with it just like I was when I was 7 years old. I'm a nerd. - The newest ones after that just make me sad. 

2. I know Renner will love it too. And I will play Pokemon with him. 

3. Although I am so happy that saved Rogue, last night Keagan had to give me calm talk because I was having anxiety of her scratching Renner & Roxy. But then I realize how incredibly sweet, and docile she is. - What is everyone's thoughts on declawing though? I have heard both sides of it. 

4. I am overly excited to go watch Divergent. Like I am bouncing up, and down thinking about it. I'm hoping we can go on a date tomorrow night and see it! 

5. I have had a slurpee every single day this week. It has gotten me through Renner's sickness. { Dr. Pepper, Blue Raspberry, & Cream Soda. } Delicious! 

6. I always feel weird asking people to "follow" me, or my blog. 

7. I felt seriously defeated this week because Renner was so sick, and was throwing up everywhere. I admit I had a breakdown, or two. 

8. I can only drink ice cold water. Water that has been sitting on the table, or my bed side table for an hour makes me want to gag. 

9. My sister gave me a sewing machine! I am so excited to us it. But I have zero fabric. She is, thankfully, sending me some. The States just has the best fabric, and it's cheap. I can wait to sew Ren some shoes!

10. I still suck at crocheting. But I try and practice everyday. I made 2 headbands, and a flower (my amazing friend Bethany taught me to make that.) - but trying to make a magic circle will be the death of me.

Real Talk / My Faith Booster.

Today was a very inspiring, faith boosting, special day. 

Renner took 2 steps all on his own. 

After he took those 2 fantastic steps he squatted down while looking at me, and smiled. I clapped, and praised him. He clapped along. Sweetest thing ever watching him clap. 

I attempted to get him to do it again a few minutes later. 

And what happened next was beyond tender..

I stood him up, coaxing him to come to me, but he just stood there. 

Staring up into absolutely nothing.

But was there actually nothing there? 

He smiled. Not just a normal smile for me, but the most precious, big smile I've ever seen on him. 

I tried to get him to walk to me, but he kept looking up towards the wall.. Just smiling. I look back, and immediately was overcome with warmth. I start smiling, turn back towards Ren and said, "Is your Poppy here?" (Poppy is my Dad's "Grandpa" name) He looked at me, then back to the spot.. The smile on his face a mile wide. 

I can feel my eyes start to burn with tears. 

"Ren, is Poppy here to see you really walk for the first time?" 

He squats down.. Too distracted to focus on walking. He crawls over to the spot he's been smiling at. He sits down, and starts laughing. The sweetest laugh I've ever heard. Then he starts clapping. Just grinning and laughing at the wall, and clapping. 

I am bawling sitting on the kitchen floor watching this sweet encounter. 

So overwhelmed with love. 

I can feel my Dad sometimes. Even if it's a brief bit of warmth. Just a reassurance that he is here. Renner, I know, can see him. He always has. Nothing makes me happier, or makes me feel more at peace than knowing Renner has my Dad watching over him. 

Having this gospel in our lives is such a huge blessing, to me personally. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would be a complete wreck without it. It gives me peace, and an assurance that I will see my Dad again. 

Losing a loved one is so incredible hard. And whenever I am struggling, I

 get on my hands and knees, and I pray. 

I pray for Heavenly Father to give me strength, and courage to get through this. And ask that he will also provide me with warmth, and comfort so I feel less c

old from the sadness, and that I don't feel so alone. 

We all need a little bit of faith booster at times. And mine is that, I know that I will see all of my loved ones who have passed on, and who will pass on before me, again. 

But that's not to say that I don't miss him every single day. I do. But truthfully, although he is gone from this life, he will always be immortal to me here because I have a small piece of him crawling around our house. 

I see bits of him growing in Renner everyday. The way he smiles, and the creases around his eyes become more profound. The way his nostrils are a bit more rounder than Keagan's or mine. Even when he laughs or smiles, and I see a perfect mix of him and Keagan all around his precious face. 

Nothing is sweeter than that. 

"Be still, and know. That I'm with you."

Rogue Warrior.

She has been saved.

Not many abandoned animals are, but she was.

Keagan's employees had a customer go up to them, exclaiming there was a cat loose in the lumber section. They caught it, and brought her into an office.

They fell in love.

Keagan sent me a picture.

I fell in love.

I texted him back:

 I had this overwhelming love rush over me.

She needed to be here. With us.

I am not a cat person.

My entire family, and friends can attest to that.

I never have. We have had too many evil, scary cats growing up.

So naturally I became a dog person.

But I just had this feeling.

She needs a home.

She needed our home. 

She was matted on her legs, and so skinny.

They fed her in the office, and a few hours later, Keagan brought her home.

I was swooning.

She was so gentle, and loving.

Her throat was scratchy, like she hadn't drank water in days.

But her meow was so precious.

She can't be more than a year old.

She let Renner play with her, and attached to him and Roxy right away.

Renner fell in love. 

Roxy was ecstatic.

Her coolest markings are her grey fur, and strikingly green eyes.  

I have always loved grey cats.

I find them quite stunning.

But she has white paws. 

On the white patch on her left foot, she has a white stripe that 

wraps around all the way up her leg.

Almost like a sweet tattoo.

A very good friend of mine, Alyssa 

 (Which you should look at her amazing blog - I help her design it), 

came over and helped me get her acclimated to her surroundings.

We went to Walmart to get a few things for her.

When we came home she was missing.

Well, not missing, but sleeping in the closet.

We gave her more food, and water.

 Filled her litter box.

I didn't want to give her a bath right away.

I wanted her to kind of get used to her surroundings.

Alyssa looked up names, while we drank our slurpees.

A few good names came up.

Calypso, Bonquisha, Fredrico (Keagan called her that)..

Then Keagan sat deep in thought, and said the perfect name //

Rogue.

I had been thinking of Greek goddesses, Titans, DC & Marvel comics names.

But that fit perfectly.

She was a Rogue.

Rogue Warrior.

Our babies are Renner, Roxy, & Rogue.

So perfect. ❤️

Now, I have never owned a cat.

You should please tell me things I need to know.

The best food, treats, toys - Anything would be appreciated. :)

Currently.

House of Hades - Heroes of Olympus by Rick Riordan. It is a continuation of the Percy Jackson & the Olympians series. I love these books. They are clean, funny, exciting, sad at times, but always are so interesting. They let me indulge in my Greek & Roman fascinations, and still have an awesome story line. I'm super excited to be able to read these to Renner when he is old enough to understand them. I would read these with my nephew Gage, who actually introduced me to them, and I got my sister Stephanie's kids into them. They are an excellent read. If you haven't read them - Really stop what you're doing, go to Walmart (they are cheap there), and go find the first book! 

Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 1: The Lightning Thief 

Also, The movies are quite terrible, 

and don't follow the book hardly at all. 

It's sad. I need to stop having expectations. 

 I'm re-watching the Supernatural seasons, again, for the 11th time. - Don't judge me. But right now I'm in the 6th season. After this season though, it just gets crazy, and annoying. I will always and forever love Sam & Dean - But I miss the old days. I hated the Leviathan. The angels are just pissing me off. And it's just "spinning out of control" as Dean would say. I'm nostalgic for the 1st-5th Seasons. I'm guessing I'm not alone with that thought though.

A friggin' date. I miss Keagan. Our idea of a perfect date is dinner & a movie. Even without the dinner - As long as we can step out of the house for a few hours to go watch a movie, we would. We love it. It's been a while since we've had alone time, and an actual one-on-one date. I mean, all parent's know it's hard to go out on a date when you have babies/kids, so I'm hoping this weekend we will get to go out!

DIVERGENT. 

I know I say that I hate books turned into movies, but I still will go and see them. I, however, is super excited to see this movie. I love the books. & I love who they picked for the characters. They are perfectly picked in my mind. I did picture Tris a bit more plain looking, but I'm glad they didn't make her super ugly. 

 & S U M M E R. Seriously, I'm tingling with excitement.

This amazing spring weather. I am so excited for this summer! Last summer with Ren was a blast, but he was so young, and didn't really grasp it. This summer will be fantastic. Walking to the splash park down the street, going to the part next to our place, going to all the awesome Farmers Markets around Edmonton (my ultimate favorite thing to do in the summer), camping, playing in Waterton with Keagan's family, and just everything! I'm so pumped! Love warm weather that burns my skin, and is so humid you can barely breathe. I'm still a Texan girl at heart, and miss my homeland bunches during those sweet summer months.

Renner's biting habits. They are killing me. 

Also, as the snow melts, more and more water is getting piled unto the streets, and all through the grass. It grosses me out, and I think this is the worst part of spring. Blehh.

The Egg & Snickers Salad.

A few things have happened the past few weeks that have literally made me question why I don't punch a lot of people in the throat.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a semi-(non) violent person. But when comes to people messing with my loved ones, well in the spirit of hockey, the gloves come off. Nothing drives me more insane than straight up disrespect. For personal sake, or personal belongings - just have some friggin common courtesy people. 

First off. Let me tell you how deeply sad, and straight up frustrated this makes me -

What's that you say? Well, that my friends is a frozen egg smashed on our car just above the windshield. Completely random, as there were other remains of eggs spewed across the parking lot. Just some kids having fun. Punks. If this was the summer I'd still be upset, but at least we could wash it off. But in -40 degree weather, dead of winter, that baby isn't even budging. Not only that, but it also will remove the paint. WE JUST GOT THAT CAR A MONTH AGO. Gahh. So devastating. Anyone know how to get frozen egg off your car? Hot water did nothing. 

It really breaks my heart that some people can do that stuff, without even thinking of what the other person might be going through, or how it will affect them. 

Anyways, besides that, good things have been happening. Like our sweet baby Renner is finally starting to walk. We couldn't be more excited. People say, "Oh, you're in for it now that he is going to start walking." But really, we've been in for it since he started crawling. He's already gotten into everything, and we've baby proofed as much as we can without making our home stripped, and bare. 

I see it more of a blessing, and gift. Some babies aren't blessed with the ability to walk. So although we might be "in for it", I couldn't be more happy and proud. I try to not take anything Renner can, and is able to do for granted because this life is so short, and by the time I know it he will be graduating High School (tears are now forming, ugghhh). 

So to change the subject, so I don't have a personal waterfall in my bed, I will give you an amazing recipe! Food always cheers me up! Especially if it's sugary goodness. Last night I made a Snickers Salad. SO GOOD. I was intimidated to make it because, well 1, I've never made it before, and 2, I was serving it to the missionaries in the 20 mins after making it. But it turned out to be a big hit. I had our 2nd set of missionaries cut up the apples, and one of them from the 1st set, cut up the snickers. Then once it was mixed, I put it in the fridge for 20/30 minutes. Enchiladas, & Mexican Rice go with Snickers Salad.. Right? 

So, with all that said, it's been a good time the last few weeks, despite the egg fiasco. I'm hoping it warms up a bit so we can go outside, and possibly go for a walk. I'm not built for winters like these. 

Now, just as promised on my IG, here is the recipe. 

Snickers Salad 

1 (12 OZ or 12 L) Tub of Cool Whip 

1 package of Cream Cheese 

1 Cup of Powdered Sugar

4-6 Granny Smith Apples (or which ever apples you prefer, I used those) 

6 Bars of Snickers

(One of the missionaries said that if you freeze the snickers before you mix them in it makes them a bit harder, and crunchier. That way they don't fall apart, and go better with the apples. - I did not do this, and it worked fine for me. My teeth are pretty sensitive so I think the frozen ones would have hurt my teeth anyways.) 

1. Cut up Snickers & Apples into bite sized pieces. Set aside. 

2. Mix Cream Cheese & Powdered Sugar until blended. (I just use my Kitchen Aid) 

3. Blend in Cool Whip, and make sure it's all blended thoroughly. 

4. Fold in Snickers & Apples. (I wouldn't use a machine to mix them in (Kitchen Aid) just because you don't want it to smush the apples or tear up the Snickers) 

5. Place in Fridge for 1 hour to chill. (Or if you're on a time crunch, like I was, just throw it in the freezer for 10/20 mins) 

And there yah go! Yummy Snickers Salad! 

My Five Favorites.

My Top 5 Favorites Apps. 

I have a lot of apps on my phone that I hardly ever use. I usually go through a round of using all of them, but then I will get 900 pictures of Renner doing the exact same thing, and can't bare to delete them. So I delete the apps. But these ones I never do - 

1. Instagram. 

This is probably my favorite app. I'm on Instagram probably more than Facebook. I love photography. It gives people an outlet who don't really have a lot to say, but still want to express themselves, a way to do that. The majority of the pictures I have on mine is of Renner. 

2. Facebook. 

Although I try not to use it very often, I still do. I love to connect with my old high school buddies, or my distant relatives. And I love seeing how they all are doing. See their families, and how everyone grew up. 

3. Anyplay. 

You can't find this on the AppStore sadly, I've tried to find it for my mom's phone, but it's an amazing music app. It lets me find any (and I do mean ANY) song that I want to listen to, and I can put them all on a playlist. I don't have to download any songs, or buy them. It just takes the songs from different websites, and complies them all on it. It's wonderful. I use it every day. 

4. Pinterest. 

We all love Pinterest. There really isn't anything to say but - its Pinterest. Can't ever go wrong with it. 

5. Afterlight & A Beautiful Mess. 

I'll just put these two together because they go hand in hand with me. I LOVE them both. Afterlight has amazing filters, and different things you can do with your photos. & ABM lets you write things on your photo with amazing fonts & even doodles. - which their doodles are so dang cute. 

Okay, I will add one more as a little something extra ; 

6. What'sApp. 

I use this to text all of my family & friends in the States. It's incredible! Seriously one of the greatest texting apps of my life. I've tried a lot of them, but this is my favorite one. It has super cute backgrounds that you can change on your text screen. You can send voice messages. It's just awesome. I love it.