Monday Confessions.

1. I am crazy addicted to Red Hots. Canada has a cheap version of them that only come out during Valentines Day called Cinnamon Hearts. Well, it makes my heart hurt. But I still can't stop eating them.

2. I dropped my Mom off at the airport today. I have now spent the majority of the day crying. And eating cinnamon heart, and chocolate chip banana bread.

3. I am a momma's girl straight up. And I absolutely HATE being 20 hours away from her.

4. I'm learning how to crochet from the awesome girls YouTube channel called "iheartstitching". She's quite fantastic.

5. I have learned that I absolutely SUCK at crocheting. 

6. Our family is obsessed with a game called Jungle Speed. It's amazing. I get super competitive when we play it. I'm not a competitive person, but when we play it.. Be prepared to get slashed by my quickness.

7. A couple days ago I woke up in the middle of the night because my legs were super prickly, and I got up and shaved them. It was probably 2 in the morning. Keagan calls me insane.

8. Although I am super excited to sleep next to my husband again, since he gave my mom and I our bed, I will miss my mom giving me head massages every night till I fall asleep. I'm selfish.

9. I'm super sad/frustrated that Renner will say Dada a million times over, but REFUSES to say Mama. He even says CookCook for Cookie & JuJu for Juice. But no Mama. WHHYYY?

10. I drank a whole thing of Oasis Apple Juice in one sitting this past week. Which if you saw the jug, it's really not that impressive. Unless, I told you it was in within an hour. Yaah.

Real Talk / He is One

Being a mom is an incredible feeling. I know what it is like to fall in love with my husband a million times over, but to fall in love with YOUR baby is an entirely different experience. 

From the moment Renner was placed in my arms I was swooning. 

He started stroking my fingers, much like he did my ribs when inside the womb, 

and looked up at me so peacefully. 

They say babies that young can't smile. He was. 

Nothing can change a moment like that. There was no where else in the world where 

I would rather be, except in that hospital bed, with this precious creature I had just given birth to. 

His smell, sounds, and look will forever be engrained in my mind. 

I use to long for the smell of my perfume, 

now I long for the smell of his fresh newborn scent. 

His wrinkly hands, and feet were beyond perfect. He was perfect. 

As the shakiness from the epidural wore off, the more I could wonder at our amazing creation. I looked at his beautiful, dark blue eyes, and pondered about who he will turn out to be.

Will he have my stubbornness? His dads integrity and honor? My laugh? His dads smile? Will we share the same ivory skin tone? Or be blessed with his dads dark one? So many things crossed my mind that night. 

I couldn't bare to fall asleep for fear of missing something he would do. Laying there, in the quiet of our hospital room, with Keagan softly snoring by my side, and our baby boy in my arms, while I nursed him, was the most beautiful moment of my entire life. 

I looked back and forth between them, so full of love and bliss. I became the person I wanted to be. 

Who I was destined to be. In that moment. I became a mom. 

Now, almost a year later, and he has grown to be an independent, and free spirited little boy. 

The confidence that grows in his eyes daily is the coolest thing I've ever witnessed.

This 1st year has taught me patience. It has taught me how to share my body, my space, in a completely different way. It has taught me how to truly be completely selfless. It taught trained me how to survive going without sleep for 20+ hours. It taught me how to give a little more even when my tank is completely on empty. It taught me to love the lighting bolts and squishy belly. It taught me to love the newly found grey hairs sprouting onto my head. It taught me to appreciate the summer months, and take advantage of them. It taught me to speak only kind words to my husband when I am stressing or sleep is too far gone. It taught me to express my feelings. It taught me to love more deeply than ever before. 

I love am in love with a boy who knows what my own heart beat sounds like from the inside. 

I love when he has just woken up, and isn't sure if he's ready to start moving yet, and he lays on my chest, if only for a few seconds, and is completely peaceful.

I love kissing the little toes, and fingers that once counted every one of my ribs.

I love every part about being a mom.

Happy (almost) Birthday Renner. 

You are our little monster. We love you more every single day. 

Junk in the Purse.

I don't own a lot of purses, but I do love them. The ones I do buy though have to be a certain style, and have a certain amount of pockets, and space for certain items. Especially now that I'm a mom, and I have to truck things around like diapers, wipes, some snacks, maybe a few bottles, etc.. I always have a crap load of stuff in my purse, and am constantly cleaning it out. Whether there are Arrowroot Biscuit crumbs all over the bottom of my purse, or all over my lip glosses or wallet, or there are tons of receipts or gum wrappers stashed. It gets ridiculous.

I have 2 main purses that I am constantly switching. My favorite one, that I am currently using, is a Nine West, over the chest purse that my sister gave me. It's seen a few season, and has some scuffs on and in it, but what favorite purse doesn't? The other one I use is a bit bigger, and I got it from Target when Renner was born because I needed one to be used as a diaper bag. (I hate the feel of the majority of diaper bags, and I wanted one that could be slung across my chest, but was big enough to hold bottles & baby food.)

Anyways, I didn't discard or add anything to the pile - I literally just dumped my purse on the table & organized it.

So as you see even though I keep it cleaned out regularly, but I still have some crap in it... like old Lifesaver Gummies..  So lets start down the list, and see what I've got hiding in there.

1. So first we have my purse, which I said I got from my sister - we traded. I love it. Its small, but not too small. And yah, I'm pretty much a magician. I could seriously fit anything in that purse. It's fantastic.

2. Simulac Formula coupons. These things have saved my life a few times. Sometimes I get 10 bucks off a formula jug or 5 bucks off. Either way, its still better than $23. And when they go on sale down to $18 or $15 - that is when things get amazing. Oh & my obsessing with Lifesaver gummies.

3. Diaper & Wipes. So many times have I left the house without them, and not refilled our car with more, and Renner has pooed. SO MANY TIMES. So then I end up buying more diapers, and grab & go wipes. It's depressing how many times. Almost as depressing as how many times I make a bottle at home, and then leave it on the counter.. and I have to buy another bottle.. and more formula. Thank you new mommy brain.

4. Then I have Renner's cute little gloves that came with his Dragosaur beenie (yah, not a "toque" - Keagan always gets on me about saying Toque instead of beenie. Sue me.) But I especially love these gloves because they don't have fingers. So he can't grab anything. Winner.

5. I have my mint Chevron wallet that I love, and also got from Target (I love Target, its my homeland - I seriously could be a Target spokesperson.), and it holds my iPhone in it, along with all my cards, & receipts. It's not super bulky, which I like, and if I'm just going shopping on my own I'll almost always just grab that - if I'm using my big purse at that time. But lets face it, I'm rarely alone.

6. I love React2 #5 gum. It is my absolute favorite. I always have a pack with me.

7. I have a special love for lip gloss, tints, lip sticks, sugar scrubs, & balm. On days I feel terrible, or don't want to put on tons of makeup, they can make me feel refreshed, and give my face some color. These are in my purse constantly, and are some of my favorite ones. My lips are always chapped. For some reason ever sense I've moved to Canada my lips are so chapped that they start peeling. It's the worst. So these are life savers. I'm also super picky about how things taste & feel on my lips. I can't handle sticky, or gross tasting ones.

Left to Right -

Urban Decay Lip Junkie - It came with my Naked 2 palette. I LOVE THIS. It's such a beautiful color, and makes my lips pop. I usually put my EOS lip ball (the blue one - it's mint) on first, and that way it goes on smoother, and makes my lips super soft.
Nivea Pearly Shine - I usually don't wear this with anything. It gives my lips a nice pink shimmer, and I'm good to go.
Maybelline Baby Soft Lips - I could own all of these lip balms they are so incredible. Whenever my lips are suffering super badly I use this and my EOS lip ball.
L'Oreal Infallible Beyond Blushing #129 - This is usually my go to lipstick for church. I don't wear it all the time, because its a pretty over powering color on my face, but it still is super pretty.
DuWop Lip Venom - Seriously best lip plumper of my life. It makes my lips tingle, and creates the perfect pout.
Victoria's Secrets Shiny Kiss Gloss Grapefruit Blast - I have always been in love with Victoria's Secret lip gloss since high school, and I will continue to always be a fan of this flavor, and brand.
Gosh On Stage - I'm not a big fan of this lip gloss unless I use it with lip balm, because it is kind of sticky. But I love the color.
L'Oreal Lipgloss - I forget what kind & flavor this was. It's been kicking around in my purse for quite a while. It's a nice pinky red shade, and it stays on for a good while because it tints my lips as well.
EOS Lip Balm - My favorite lip balm by far. It has practically healed my lips from tragic despair of cracking, and peeling. They have different flavors but my favorite ones are Mint, Strawberry, & Melon.

8. Tylenol. Enough said.

9. Victoria's Secret Incredible perfume. It's my favorite smell right now. I'm usually a Love Spell, & Charm kinda girl, but this has won my heart.

10. Randoms - Hair tie with bobby pins, a bracelet that my mom got for me, a Safeway & Superstore quarter and loonie shape for a cart, an actual Loonie ($1), 2 Quarters, a good luck spade that Keagan found on the side of the road for me, and a good luck Scarab from Egypt that my mother-in-law got for me.

11. My awesome Sephora mirror that I got for Christmas.

12. Pens. Can't go wrong with having those.

13. My Ray Bans glasses holder.

& last but not least -

14. My phone - But I was taking pictures with it, so it wasn't shown.

These are things that I am always carrying - Minus or plus a few other things. But now you know me on a somewhat "personal" level! Now I want to see what's in YOUR purse!

Confessions

1. I Confess- I always am thinking about the zombie apocalypse. And I kind of sort of wish it would happen, but then I think about Renner being a baby during it and get terrified of it happening at all. 

2. I Confess - I am in love with dark sodas. Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, Coke, Root Beer, etc.. Love em' all. 

3. I Confess - I feel like Jennifer Lawerence and I would be best friends in real life. Whenever I hear her talk about how she stalks some celebrities she has always been in love with, but is to afraid to talk them. I feel like that would be me if I saw or met her. Let's be BFFs Jen? Please?

4. I Confess - I wish I was a trained assassin. Seriously, how cool would it be to learn how to fight all crazy like, and kick trash. Not the whole killing people thing.. Just knowing how to defend yourself in a tough situation. Pretty much I wish I was Nikita. 

5. I Confess - I could live without lamps in my house, and survive just on candles at night. 

6. I Confess - I can't fall asleep without Keagan being home. When he has to go away on business trips, or for anything at all, it's a rough night. When he works a late shift I stay up, watching Supernatural mostly, until he gets home. 

7. I Confess - I was never really a playing with Barbie's kind of girl. I have always been in love with dinosaurs, and wanted to be a paleontologist with I was little. 

8. I Confess - I hate spiders & clowns. I will straight up leave you to defend for yourself if either of those are near. & will most likely trip you if a killer clown or giant spider is after me. 

9. I Confess - I'm the worst when I start watching new TV Shows. Everything else seems to stop, and they become my life. I befriend the characters, and feel like I know them on a personal level. 

10. I Confess - I hate the word dieting. It literally makes me wanna punch someone. 

Que Usher's "These are my confessions..." & fade out. 

But seriously, hope you enjoyed them! I will start doing these every Monday. It's kinda fun letting all my "deep, dark" confessions out there. 

I challenge you to write down some of your confessions on your blog! Or even in the comments below. 

Day of Love.

We LOVE Valentines Day. It might sound cliche, but I do really love it. The chocolate, the flowers, the loove, etc.. I can't get enough! Even when I didn't have a "boy", I was in love with the chocolate, lazying around with my girls and watching romantic sappy love stories. I was never a hater of the most romantic day of the year - even if it is a total scam so all the stores get monaay.

Anyways to us, Valentines Day means a for sure date night! Whether it's a go out on the town date night, or a stay at home (in our jammies) one - it's still a date night regardless! This year we spent it at home, and I can't even deny that it was one of my favorites.

 My mom and & woke up to a fantastic breakfast in bed - Nutella crepes with strawberries & powder sugar. So delish. Keagan had to work a late shift (till 11) so when he got home I surprised him with some Spicy Sausge Pasta & Spinach Salad with Balasmic Vinegrette (seriously recommend this recipe), and a candle lit living room, with a blow up air bed in front of the fireplace - My mom is visiting us for a couple weeks, hence us camping in the living room. Which all in all wasn't that bad of idea anyways. We might have done it whether my mom was here or not. It was quite romantic. Although, the air bed wasn't as comfortable as our bed, just laying there with my sexy husband made it even better. And yes I just said "laying" - thank you surgery... Still though, I couldn't of asked for a more perfect night. 

How was your Valentines Days?! 

I love my door & get so pumped when I can use it for stuff like this!

- I filled the fireplace with candles to make the room brighter, but as one of my presents Keagan surprised me with 2 hour lasting firelogs! So exciting.

30 Seconds of Bravery.

Keagan & I are obsessed with watching YouTube videos. This morning on Facebook, Keagan found this video that had been shared by his stepmom that was just incredible. The awesome YouTuber, Yousef Erakat, made an amazing, eye-opening video that urges people to act if they see a kidnapping taking place in front of them. It's pretty awesome. Watch and see how some of these people reacted ;

What a powerful statement this 5 minute video makes. I was so happy when I saw that these people protected this boy from this so-called kidnapper, and was shocked when a few of them just believed what the kidnapper told them, and then walked away without a second thought. I pray that if Renner was in this situation people would do anything in their power to protect him. Even use pepper spray. Which was awesome when the girl used it - You go girl!

This is what Backyard Broadcast is all about. Protecting the children against being kidnapped, and then sold into being sex trafficked.

"30 seconds of bravery could save a family a lifetime of heartache."

6-12 Months Essentials.

I've decided to do an "Essentials" post! I love seeing what other moms are using, and how well it works for them and their babes. These are what I have been surviving on with Renner. They are my life savers, and he loves them. So here we go --

- 1. Of course we all need a high chair! I got one from my husbands sweet grandma, and its just one from Costco, but it works amazingly. It's quite cute too. My favorite part is that I can just take the tray off so I can just throw it in the dish washer. -- My mom just informed me that all high chair trays can come off so you can wash them. Guess you learn something new everyday when you're a new mom! Haha

- 2. Nuk Pacifiers. Words cannot describe how amazing these are. Pacifiers in general are an amazing invention. It's the only brand he will use, and that's okay. He keeps a paci clip on him all the time so he can just follow the line to put it in his mouth, and he loves it. And it's awesome at night time because he never loses it, and he doesn't cry in the middle of the night because he lost it.

- 3. FP Drums. Oh my good heavens if you don't or haven't gotten these drums for you babe seriously - stop what you're doing, and go get them. My sister gave them to me, and it is the BEST toy of my life. It's my probably one of my favorites of all the toys he has. He could sit there for hours hitting the top of the drums making music. It has 2 volumes on it, so if it gets too noisy you can turn it down. When I'm really stressed, and I absolutely have to get something done (like dishes, folding laundry, going to the bathroom, etc..) I'll put Renner in his crib with this bad boy and he will go to town smacking it and making music. It's a brilliant invention. And he never gets tired of it. You can also click a button and make it so they stack on top of each other. Seriously - Best. Toy. Ever.

- 4.  Heinz Baby Food Pouches. I usually just buy whatever brand is on sale, and I'm not that concerned if its organic or not. But we do use Heinz a lot, but Ren isn't that picky about it. I tried making my own baby food.. that didn't really go over too well. The only thing Renner doesn't like is meat ones. Which is fine since he's eating mostly table food anyways, and he gets his protein that way.

- 5. Simulac Formula. I nursed him until he was about 6 months old, and then my milk all dried up (thank you Thyroid). The only brand he would use was Simulac. Also, if you join the "Simulac Club" you get awesome coupons, and free samples - all that.

- 6. Mum Mum's! All I can say is YUM. If I would let him Renner would put that whole box away. He loves em'. He's gotten addicted to Arrowroot Biscuits too, but nothing can compare to his Mum Mums. They are just so convenient, and don't really leave very many crumbs. Which is monayy on road trips.

- 7. Aden & Anais Bamboo Swaddlers. Anything Aden & Anais is always good, but holy it can be expensive. But one thing I will say is it's a good investment. The Bamboo Swaddlers last forever, and can withstand all the torment that babies throw at them - poo, puke, milk, boogies, and all that good stuff. Renner has the peacock one. - Long story. I "stole" the peacock one from my sister a few years ago because I Ioved it as a scarf, and although it was a baby blanket it didn't really matter to me. But when I had Ren I thought, "hmm I wonder if he would like it, and it's covered in my scent.." - Well, he loves it. We got a couple other ones as baby shower gifts, and he loves them all. But his peacock blankie is his favorite one. It's the one we brought him home from hospital in, and it's pretty much never leaves his side. Unless I wash it. Which is occasionally,

- 8. BUMBOS. Looooove. They are incredible because when he was 6 months I would just plop him in that on the couch or on the floor, and he would sit in that for hours playing or watching me do whatever I needed to do. Saved me from having to always hold him all the time. He could play independently, and sit up, not having a care in the world.

- 9. His bouncer. Hours I can say he spent in this beaut. Just hopping, and spinning. He loved it. Now he's not that fond of it because he feels trapped, and can't get out of it. (Seriously that kid crawls everywhere. He's a speed crawlin' champ.) He still goes in it occasionally, but he's growing out of it. 

These are, some, of the things that helped me survive the 6-12 months of Renner's sweet little life. I do have to give props to things that weren't pictured above like - Gripe Water, Advil, Yo Gabba Gabba, shoes (all kinds), TV remotes, water bottles, phone cases, diapers, EOS lip balm balls, lip gloss tubes, mirrors, bath time, books, stuffies, Despicable Me (on those long teething nights), & countless of other things that can easily entertain the mind of a 6-12 month old.

I Chose A New Name.

As you can tell I have decided to change my blog name - for a couple reasons, but the main one is I wanted something fun, and something that will stick in peoples mind. When I come across a blog the first thing I notice is, obviously, the name. And I will be completely honest in saying that the names of blog is what either draws me in, or turns me away, and it's probably true for most people in that way. Anyways, the other day I came across this blog called "Rage Against the Minivan" - how freaking awesome is that! I loved it (Especially because I love the band Rage Against the Machine.) So it just got me thinking.. Is "Life As A Paisley" really as mind appetizing as I originally thought it was? I mean, its not a bad name by any means. But I wanted something that could last through the ages, and get people talking about it. I love sharing my everyday life, and my thoughts & feelings on certain subjects, and I wanted a name that would make people want to stay and read them.

So last week while I was bedridden, I just started writing different words down. I combined some, and rearranging different phrases. Some that applied to me personally, or to my family. At the time I was listening to my favorite band, Of Monsters and Men, and I literally stopped writing.. Lightbulb.

I chose it because it makes me smile. While I was contemplating it, all I kept thinking was all of the "monsters" that creep inside of my mind daily. I am constantly going through a battle of emotions as a mom. And sometimes not good ones. So while I was thinking about the name, "Of Monsters and Mom", I just thought how excellent it was because we all have "monsters" inside of us. Some of us are plagued with them more than others. But as mom's we all get our daily dose of it. And although sometimes we scare ourselves with our ridiculousness, we wouldn't want our life any other way than messy, imperfect, but full of love.

There was another reason... I am always surrounded by crazy monsters - My ultra hot husband, Renner, and of course, Roxy. But that's a completely different idea entirely. ;)

Bedridden.

I had surgery this past Monday to go in and look around my uterus, just to see how my Endo has been doing, among other things. It turned out okay. I have a new diagnose to add to my list of "things". It's called Pelvic Congestion Syndrome. {I threw a link on it, because I'm to exhausted to explain it / sorry folks} So anyways, I've been stuck in bed the majority of the week doing nothing very productive. I'd like to say that I have been reading, studying scriptures, or catching up on journaling - but I haven't. I've been engulfing Jalapeño Cheetos, & downing water while watching all of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbits - Extended Versions. I feel like a champ.

It's been glorious, and sucky. Glorious because I get to take a beat, let my body heal from the surgery, and let it get some rest. But it's been sucky because I'm not allowed to pick Renner up for 2 weeks, at least, so I haven't been able to hold my baby, rock him, put him to sleep, play with him, clean the house the way I think it needs to be done, cook, or really be any help at all. It's sucked. I hate being useless. You'd think it's been fantastic because I do get to not do anything. But as any other mom would know, it's agonizing. Not to mention my mother will be here in.. 5 hours. But hey, at least I'm - somewhat - healthy! 

I will say how incredibly blessed I am to have the husband I do. He has been a true champion this week. - Thank you vacation time! - But seriously, I'd be truly lost without him. He has stepped up to the plate, and has done absolutely everything I've asked of him, and more. The saying, "Nothing is hotter than your man being a dad", is so extremely accurate. I love watching Renner follow, and swoon over his dad, and vice versa. It's an incredible feeling.