Being a mom is an incredible feeling. I know what it is like to fall in love with my husband a million times over, but to fall in love with YOUR baby is an entirely different experience.
From the moment Renner was placed in my arms I was swooning.
He started stroking my fingers, much like he did my ribs when inside the womb,
and looked up at me so peacefully.
They say babies that young can't smile. He was.
Nothing can change a moment like that. There was no where else in the world where
I would rather be, except in that hospital bed, with this precious creature I had just given birth to.
His smell, sounds, and look will forever be engrained in my mind.
I use to long for the smell of my perfume,
now I long for the smell of his fresh newborn scent.
His wrinkly hands, and feet were beyond perfect. He was perfect.
As the shakiness from the epidural wore off, the more I could wonder at our amazing creation. I looked at his beautiful, dark blue eyes, and pondered about who he will turn out to be.
Will he have my stubbornness? His dads integrity and honor? My laugh? His dads smile? Will we share the same ivory skin tone? Or be blessed with his dads dark one? So many things crossed my mind that night.
I couldn't bare to fall asleep for fear of missing something he would do. Laying there, in the quiet of our hospital room, with Keagan softly snoring by my side, and our baby boy in my arms, while I nursed him, was the most beautiful moment of my entire life.
I looked back and forth between them, so full of love and bliss. I became the person I wanted to be.
Who I was destined to be. In that moment. I became a mom.
Now, almost a year later, and he has grown to be an independent, and free spirited little boy.
The confidence that grows in his eyes daily is the coolest thing I've ever witnessed.
This 1st year has taught me patience. It has taught me how to share my body, my space, in a completely different way. It has taught me how to truly be completely selfless. It taught trained me how to survive going without sleep for 20+ hours. It taught me how to give a little more even when my tank is completely on empty. It taught me to love the lighting bolts and squishy belly. It taught me to love the newly found grey hairs sprouting onto my head. It taught me to appreciate the summer months, and take advantage of them. It taught me to speak only kind words to my husband when I am stressing or sleep is too far gone. It taught me to express my feelings. It taught me to love more deeply than ever before.
I love am in love with a boy who knows what my own heart beat sounds like from the inside.
I love when he has just woken up, and isn't sure if he's ready to start moving yet, and he lays on my chest, if only for a few seconds, and is completely peaceful.
I love kissing the little toes, and fingers that once counted every one of my ribs.
I love every part about being a mom.
Happy (almost) Birthday Renner.
You are our little monster. We love you more every single day.
No comments :
Post a Comment