Being a mom is an incredible feeling. I know what it is like to fall in love with my husband a million times over, but to fall in love with YOUR baby is an entirely different experience. 

From the moment Renner was placed in my arms I was swooning. 

He started stroking my fingers, much like he did my ribs when inside the womb, 

and looked up at me so peacefully. 

They say babies that young can't smile. He was. 

Nothing can change a moment like that. There was no where else in the world where 

I would rather be, except in that hospital bed, with this precious creature I had just given birth to. 

His smell, sounds, and look will forever be engrained in my mind. 

I use to long for the smell of my perfume, 

now I long for the smell of his fresh newborn scent. 

His wrinkly hands, and feet were beyond perfect. He was perfect. 

As the shakiness from the epidural wore off, the more I could wonder at our amazing creation. I looked at his beautiful, dark blue eyes, and pondered about who he will turn out to be.

Will he have my stubbornness? His dads integrity and honor? My laugh? His dads smile? Will we share the same ivory skin tone? Or be blessed with his dads dark one? So many things crossed my mind that night. 

I couldn't bare to fall asleep for fear of missing something he would do. Laying there, in the quiet of our hospital room, with Keagan softly snoring by my side, and our baby boy in my arms, while I nursed him, was the most beautiful moment of my entire life. 

I looked back and forth between them, so full of love and bliss. I became the person I wanted to be. 

Who I was destined to be. In that moment. I became a mom. 

Now, almost a year later, and he has grown to be an independent, and free spirited little boy. 

The confidence that grows in his eyes daily is the coolest thing I've ever witnessed.

This 1st year has taught me patience. It has taught me how to share my body, my space, in a completely different way. It has taught me how to truly be completely selfless. It taught trained me how to survive going without sleep for 20+ hours. It taught me how to give a little more even when my tank is completely on empty. It taught me to love the lighting bolts and squishy belly. It taught me to love the newly found grey hairs sprouting onto my head. It taught me to appreciate the summer months, and take advantage of them. It taught me to speak only kind words to my husband when I am stressing or sleep is too far gone. It taught me to express my feelings. It taught me to love more deeply than ever before. 

I love am in love with a boy who knows what my own heart beat sounds like from the inside. 

I love when he has just woken up, and isn't sure if he's ready to start moving yet, and he lays on my chest, if only for a few seconds, and is completely peaceful.

I love kissing the little toes, and fingers that once counted every one of my ribs.

I love every part about being a mom.

Happy (almost) Birthday Renner. 

You are our little monster. We love you more every single day. 

Couch Love.

Hello, my name is Kayla, and I am a bit of a Kijiji addict. 

But beside that awesome fact I found something marvellous on my favorite site. I have been scouring the interweb in search of the perfect chair to fit into our house. You see we only have one couch, and so when we have lots of people over they kind of end up sitting on the floor, and yeah.. Needless to say we were in desperate need of some "free" furniture. So the other day while I was on my hunt I came across the most beautiful sight.  

Were they possibly from the 1950s? Yes. Were they dirty beyond all reason, and in need of some suurrrrious TLC? Absolutely. But that didn't matter. They were beautiful. And they were about to be mine. So I emailed them asking how bad they were - ie. cat pee? - but they were golden. Just dirty, and need a good wash. Score! I'm definitely more in love with the chair; the couch is just extra goodness. I just need to rip open the couch cushions, and put new stuff inside, wash the cushion material, steam clean the couch and chair, and they will be PERFECT. I'll keep you updated on their process. It will be a long one - Thank you beautiful baby Renner. 

But here is a sneak peak of what they will somewhat look like in our house. Minus our living room table, and original couch - as they were moved to accommodate some recent Call of Duty: BO2 action gathering, and haven't been moved back. 

I'm so excited about my little reading corner. There will be a lamp pole that will be placed somewhere around there, because our living room, for some weird reason, is without a light. For now we just have lamps, or my favorite - candles. Which by the way did I mention I'm also addicted to those as well?

One Month.

I can't believe it's already been a month since Renner was born. It's weird for me to even picture life without him. He just fits so perfectly in our little family.

This first month has had it's up and it's downs, but mostly it has been up. I've had the blessing of having lots of nieces and nephews, so it prepared me for what I was, sort of, getting myself into. I'm honestly not lying, or throwing some cheesy crap in when I say that this first month has been easy. Renner is by far the most perfect baby I could of asked for. All babies cry - Fact. All babies are up during the night - Fact. Now I've either mentally prepared myself ridiculously well, or Heavenly Father knew exactly what I needed during this time.

Pregnancy was extremely hard. But seriously all of those sleepless nights, hospital overnighters, unending pain.. everywhere, and my inability to control my emotions was all worth it. This little guy is everything I could have wanted, and I am not taking it for granted.

His eyes are so big and beautiful. I'm hoping they turn a deep, dark brown like his hot daddy's, but it's still a little too soon to really tell. He's smiling a lot more, and that makes me so happy. He absolutely HATES getting his diaper changed if he's pooed. But what he does love are baths. We take baths right before bedtime, and he falls asleep just about every time. He is a crazy gassy baby! I've heard new mothers complain about their baby being gassy, and man do I know how they feel now. That's really the only real reason Ren cries that much is when he has gas bubbles. Ovol is a life saver.

Cleaning will be the death of me though. Since its a complete winter wonderland outside Ren and I are usually camped in the living room watching Netflix since I have zero energy, and in a bit of pain to do anything else. I am at least putting on makeup, somedays, before Keagan gets off work. Mama's gotta stay looking fresh for her man. But as far as getting super dressed up.. It's all yoga pants and tshirts for this new momma. I'm starting to be able to fit into my old clothes again which is fantastic. Breastfeeding really is a miracle.

I am quite sad with how fast time goes. Pretty soon Ren will be walking and talking, and I can't even begin to think about it. I'm excited, but then again I just love him as a baby! He's so snugly, and tiny. I'm going to cherish every second with him at this stage, and keep taking a million pictures.