I've been feeling a little guilty for not breastfeeding Luna.
When she was born, she had 2 of the cutest little teeth on her bottom gums
which deterred me from it, but now they're gone.

She was amazing at nursing in the beginning.
As soon as she came out she was already searching, and trying to find the goods.
She latched perfectly, and it was the most incredible bonding experience.
But then her teeth wrecked my nips, and made them bleed in the first night.
She would bite + suck until my milk let down, and by then I was bawling my eyes out.

I was able to nurse Ren for 6 months until my milk dried up.
But the difference with Ren when he got his first two teeth,
was my nips had built up that callous before he got them.
Because you know, he got his first 2 at 5 months.

2 1/2 weeks was my limit with Luna.

I've gotten so many comments about how I could have pumped.
I did. For 2 weeks after I stopped nursing I pumped.
But it just wasn't enough for her.
I started supplementing, and as soon as I gave her that first bottle of formula,
she slept for 6 hours straight. Before it was only 1 1/2 - 2 hours.

I saw this post on Instagram the other day that actually hurt.
It was talking about how "breast is best" and mom's that formula feed,
unless of medical emergency, was a cop out and selfish.

To which I went, WHAAAT?

I LOVE seeing all of these beautiful breastfeeding photos on Instagram
I  f r e a k i n g  love it.
Seeing these photos with these mama's bonding like that with their babes
makes me tear up because it is so. freaking. beautiful.
I love it.

And then I started feeling ashamed.

Would my formula, bottling feeing photos be just as beautiful?

Would people think I was selfish?

Or a cop out because I couldn't deal with the pain?

I just didn't want anyone thinking less of me because I wasn't

breastfeeding my baby. 

I didn't want to be judged because I didn't suck up the pain of my 

nip being chewed on, when other mom's can nurse when their

babes have full sets of teeth, and I couldn't even handle two.

Then I kept seeing these Insta + blog posts shaming other
mom's for formula feeding their babies.
And all my fears were becoming a reality.
Clearly they were in the right because they have 15K followers, and
their words have more meaning than my feelings.. right?

And then I saw a couple of mama's in the mall.

One who was formula feeding.
And one who was nursing.
They were just chatting away with each other.
Not caring about who was right, or who was the selfless one with
how they were feeding their babies.

They were just feeding them.

And then I realized how unbelievably stupid I was being.

There is no right or wrong way when it comes to this subject.
There is only loving our babes.

Mom's who formula feed their babes are not selfish.
Mom's who breastfeed their babes are not selfish.
We all can agree that a FED baby is the best baby.
It really doesn't matter if it's breastmilk or formula.
As long as that precious babe gets food in their belly.

Who really cares if a mama choose to nurse or formula feeds her baby by choice?
And to shame any mom and call her selfish because she can't or
doesn't want to is a load of crap.
And I will always go up to bat for the mama who is being shamed.

Can't we all just love other mama's for being a good mama and feeding her baby?
I mean, formula is hella expensive.
And is hardly a "selfish" decision.
Juuuust sayin.

We need more l o v e in this community.
Social Media has called for people to become judge, jury + executioner,
and call for the heads of these beautiful mama's who are just trying to do
right for their babies, and family.

We need to show more a p p r e c i a t i o n.
To the mama's who stay home all day long to care for their children,
and home, and husband, and gets no break because it's their home +
can't find that solid line between work hours + relaxing hours.
Or the mama's who goes to work all day long + stay up with their newborn
or sick babes because we do what we gotta do.
Or the mama who can't nurse her baby, and has to formula feed because
her baby has teeth.
Or the mom's milk dried up.
Or because she just wants to have the freedom of not nursing.
Or the mom who does nurse and has been shamed into going into
another gross smelling room in the mall because random assholes think
breastfeeding is gross.
Or can't pump has to spend x amount of time nursing when she
really wants a break and go nap.
Or the mom who wants desperately to breastfeed her babe, but she can't because she's sick,
or her milk won't come in despite everything she does.
Or on, and on the reasons go..

We need to just be freaking  n i c e r.
To all of those women who take care of their babies and are doing their
damnest to just be accepted and loved by their fellow people.
And be told that we're doing a good job even if what we're doing
doesn't fall in line with what certain opinions are.

We just need to l o v e.
And to feed are damn babies.
Because fed is better.
And shaming mom's is not.

So you do you mama.
Don't let anyone make you think that you
are anything less than AMAZING.
Because you truly are.

You got this.
+ I always got yo back.

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Breastfeeding + Call of Duty.

So I'm basically turning into a breastfeeding champion. I have a hard time sitting still, and doing nothing so I've had to be really creative when Ren is wanting the goods. You can really only go on Facebook and Instagram so much in one sitting before you realize you've read that persons post 5 times already. Yeah. So now I'm learning how to do things while he's mounching-

1. Playing Call of Duty. Granted I don't like playing it.. all the time.. when I'm by myself, but when Keags is around and we've already watched 20 episodes of How I Met Your Mother we switch it on, and mess some fools up.
2. Getting a glass of water. Now I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time so this was a bit difficult for me. But like all breastfeeding moms know, you get REALLY thirsty when you breastfeed, like you've been walking through the Sahara desert for months thirsty, and I have to man up and walk the 5 feet to my kitchen to get a glass of ice cold water while he's latched on.
3. Make a PB&J sandy. Nuff said. That's basically Pro status right there.
4. Do my makeup. That was rough. Balancing him up on a pillow with my makeup balanced on another pillow. It might of taken me a bit longer than usual but it got done!

Those are only a few things I can think of at the moment, but needless to say I'm indeed getting the hang of this breastfeeding thing. Go me!

Only the Beginning.

As I write this I am engulfing a sweet and salty almond granola bar before Renner decides to wake up. I've been living off of these and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the past couple weeks. I have been making dinners though. Actual dinners too. Not just easy frozen ones.

Motherhood has been a crazy change of pace.

I feel like a completely different person. A good different. I'm learning to rock the nasty breast milk smell on all of my shirts, wearing nursing bras, my greasy hair always being up, poo and pee on everything, breastfeeding.. in public.., lack of personal space, spit up on all of my clothes, a dirty house, sleeping on clean diapers, having stretch marks, having crazy eyes, having no energy, and wearing the same outfit over and over because I can't bare to move from my spot for fear of waking him. Yet I am the happiest I've ever been. I get to snuggle the cutest little boy of my life anytime I want.

Now do I crave some alone time? Of course. Do I secretly wish I could sleep alone at night - all the way through the night? Yes I do. I'd be crazy if I said I didn't miss sleeping all through the night, and alone with my husband. Do I kind wish I smelled pretty, instead of dried up old breast milk? Trust me I do. Ohh how I long for the smell of my perfume. 

Yes, I would be crazy if I said I didn't miss those things, but really, I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything. I'll gladly take the spit up yoga pants, the dirty hair, the lack of sleep, and stretched out shirts forever for this kid.