Judgey Eyes.

I'm walking along alone, doing my thang in Superstore today with a half sick baby that has a death grip on my caridigan, and his paci while I'm pushing the cart. (Now going grocery shopping with an 11 month old baby is sometimes a task, going shopping with a sick 11 month old baby.. Shoot me now. But I figured he's doing okay, and we need food, and we both needed out of the house.) So I go to reach for something, and that causes that little chunk in Ren's hand to come out. As if on cue he started screaming. So I quickly grabbed that item, threw it in the cart, and shove that little section in Renner's hand. We did that a few times, but one particular time he didn't stop crying. I'm assuming because he finally got pissed at me constantly taking it out of his hands. So I speed walk all the way to the front because I know he's exhausted, and at his wits in. 

I pick him up and bounce him while I'm waiting to put my groceries on the lane for the cashier to scan, and he eventually calms down and starts smiling at the customers behind us. When it comes to our turn I set him back in the cart, and the water works come back again. This time though he's so exhausted it's more of a Level 2 1/2 cry (You all know the levels right? They pretty much goes along with all the Defcom level rules) so not terrible, but I could see how annoying it would be. But what can yah do? I need to put my groceries up there so we can get the freak out of there. 

Anyways,  while I'm doing that the people behind me, who were a godsend, were trying to make him smile. But all the while in a couple aisles down this 4 person group are staring at me with those judgey eyes, and stares. You know what I'm talking about. Almost like the, "How dare you bring your crying baby in public" stare. I just rolled my eyes, and went back to my thing. He will eventually stop. Whether it's when I'm done, or those super kind people make him feel better - he will stop. 

I think it's the whispering that got me mad the most. First of all, if your going to judge a mom while grocery shopping at least have the decency to turn the freak around, and not stare at her and openly discuss what she's doing wrong. I could have killed. But I just tried to rationalize. Like maybe they don't have kids, or nieces or nephews. Maybe they are heartless insects who have the brain the size of a raisin. Who knows. All I know was I just wanted to get out of there before I smacked them. So I just focused on the super awesome couple behind me trying desperately to make him stop crying. It made me feel better that there are actually human beings living among me, and not a bunch of pods. 

Sometimes people surprise me with their open kindness. And then others just make me shake my head with disbelief. I know those people were saying some pretty callous things about me not taking care of my baby, but really there was nothing I could do except finish and get him home. When I got in the car I wanted to cry. First off, me cry? Ha. But I'll admit it almost broke me. I couldn't give a crap about what people think about me, but for some reason when people question my parenting and my love for my kid it actually breaks me down. 

So now I've decided to not let that happen again. Renner will throw tantrums and freak out again in public, no doubt about that - he is my kid. But I will not let strangers,  or anyone for that matter, make me feel as crappy as they did. I know I make mistakes, and I'm learning as I go along - but truly, who doesn't and isn't? I have the power to grant people the power on how they make me feel. But I alone have the power to shut it off or absorb it. The only people I truly care what they think about me are my Heavenly Father, my husband, and my family. Everyone else follows after. 

Judgey eyes and cold states will no long make me feel inadequate or stupid. I will simply let them roll off like I always have because I know I'm a good mom, and wife. And no one will take that away from me.

Don't ever let someone make you feel less about yourself. Your parenting is YOUR way. No one else's. Sometimes there really isn't anything to do but let the baby cry to get something done. And that's okay! Strangers don't know crap about your life, and they sure as hell don't have the right to judge it. 

Rant and post over.

Anyone else feel this way?