NO. 

its happening again. 

i can’t breathe.

i can’t think. 

all I feel is the pain. 

i was fine a second ago. 

i was laughing for hells sake. 

keags just told me the funniest joke while I

was just going to get water. 

+ it hit me. 

why is does this keep happening? 

i can’t move. 

i’m hunched over, holding onto the counter

trying to stay calm so I don’t push it over the 

edge, but also trying to not alert everyone in 

the living room what’s happening.

the razors are invisible but they’re there. 

the agonizing weight + pressure is invisible, 

but it’s there. 

threatening to press me down further into the 

rabbit hole of darkness + pain. 

why is this my life? 

my breathing is becoming labored + keagan 

just asked me a question. 

“I’m fine” I want to say but I can’t. 

if I break concentration I’ll break. 

the pain will flood in even more + I’ll drop the 

last of my reserve. the last of my will power to 

not succumb to it. 

I hear his footsteps now. 

+ my anxiety rises. 

why does this always happen when I was FINE A SECOND AGO? 

“baby, are you okay?” 

“I’m fine” I want to say but it comes out as a huff

he sees my fingers gripping the counter

for support. 

“let’s get you to the couch” 

he’s trying to lift me. 

“STOP” I finally say. 

“I can’t.. I can’t move. I need a minute.” 

“okay.. it’s okay baby. just breathe.” 

he’s running his fingers along my back.

whispering encouraging words to me.

but I can’t hear them. 

the worst passes for a short window + I 

squeeze his hand letting him know I’m okay to 

be moved now. 

he lifts me up + I scream. 

i’m holding him for support as he carefully 

leads me to the couch. 

why won’t this stop? 

I’m sobbing now. 

+ collapse onto the couch. 

“it’s okay, baby. take this.” 

he hands me medicine + water. 

why am I like this? 

I can’t do this for the next 40 years. 

ren comes out of his room + sees me crying. 

“mom, are you hurting? can I help?” 

why are my children so unlucky to have a mother who is broken? 

“I’m okay baby. go back + play.” 

I give him a weak smile beneath my tears. 

he walks over, slowly sits on the couch +

puts his head on my legs. 

“I love you mom. it’s going to be okay. just deep breaths.” 

I look at keags. 

he smiles at me + rubs the hair out of my face. 

he mouths, “I love you” 

why am I so freaking blessed to be able to be in this family? 

this story is a normal part of our day. 

somedays I can go without falling. 

somedays I have to crawl to get luna out of her crib. 

somedays I am able to dance, sing + play. 

somedays I am sobbing into my pillow wanting 

to die. 

endometriosis affects 1 in 10 women. 

it is insane to me that the average age of getting diagnosed is 27 years old.

i first started experiencing symptoms at the age of 12.

i was diagnosed at the age of 16 with stage four endo.

you are not crazy.

you are not invisible.

you are a beautiful, and do not deserve this.

but you are strong, and a badass.

you are loved. 

and you are NOT your pain.

never stop fighting.

even through the pain - we are WARRIORS.

never forget that. even through the flare ups + tears.

RICE KRISPS WITH A TWIST

so, you need to make some cute dessert for your party, kids classroom, church activity, etc.
and you are running out of time !
(like i was when i remember literally the day before i had to make something for ren's class haha)

i honestly surprised myself with how these turned out.
and they are oh so cute + fancy that where ever you bring them people will be in awe of your talents.

and even if you have zero cooking or baking talents, like me, you'll be saying:

"yeah girl. you done did THAT."

so here is a little pictorial of how i made this.
y'all welcome.

THINGS YOU WILL NEED:

rice krispies

m+m's - we used regular sized, but mini ones would be perfect too

popsicle sticks

white chocolate chips - the whole bag

optional: sprinkles in whatever shape - i chose stars

now, you can either buy the rice krispies that are pre-packaged.

it can make it a lot faster, and less mess.

or you can do it like we did and turn it into a cute lil date night and made our own.

extra lil marshmallows of course!

if you do make them by scratch, just use the recipe that is on the box!

if you end up making them, you'll want to put them in a square pan, and 

after they've cooled just cut them into squares.

i didn't have a fully square pan so i ended up having to smoosh some together to make the

ends squared off to be able to go on the popsicle stick.

after they're cut up, grab your popsicle sticks and GENTLY pop them in.

like so.

you'll want to lay out some parchment paper for when you dip them into the chocolate.

so you can just spread them all out on that.

next! dump the entire bag of white chocolate chips (or whatever kind of chocolate you want)

in a saucepan, and make sure it's on a low heat + stir often so it doesn't burn.

i just used walmart brand white chocolate chips and those worked amazingly.

then you'll want to put the rice krispies into the pot, and cover it half way in chocolate.

if you get an excessive amount of chocolate on it, just let it drip off.

then just lay on the parchment paper!

(we put relocated the parchment paper from the counter to a cookie sheet)

 once they are semi-dried, you can start with the decorating!

for the kids who are sensitive to peanuts, we didn't add m+m's.

so we just added extra sprinkles.

we left 4 that were just plain, and 3 that just had the chocolate on them.

once they fully dried we placed them into the fridge over night, and then

took them out in the morning to let soften!

they were perfect, and delicious!

they were honestly the perfect treat to bring to a kindergarten class.

the teachers said that the popsicle sticks were genius, and they barely had to do any clean up!

definitely kid + parent approved.

tell me if YOU end up making them + how they turned out!