do you ever feel like you're doing everything wrong?

like everything you do is never right, or will get better?

it honestly is the worst feeling to me.

and, i feel that way the majority of the time as a mom. 

i never really pictured myself being a mom while I was growing up, much less being a good one.

and in a world where the outside image is worth more than the inside.. well, it’s hard to go through that world, and always try to measure up to your own view of what perfection is, much less every else's. 

i have this awful habit of concentrating on the bad things, and letting it go.

and it just builds. and builds. and builds. 

until well.. 

b o o m.

and that doesn’t help, or make anyone in our family happy. ever. 

especially, me. 

but being a mom is hard.

you know, i had this idea in my head that, yeah, it seems quite difficult, but you deal with the problems and move on.

but i never realize just how plain  a g o n i z i n g  it can be at times. 

and in the beginning it was fine. 

i loved having this perfect newborn in my arms.

then that newborn grew into a toddler. 

and that toddler grew into a two, almost three-ager, and somedays, well, I quite literally want to pull every single hair out, one at a time because that would be less painful than hearing him cry, scream, or whine just one more time.

somedays, I feel like this evil little gnome has crawled inside my perfect, precious boy.

no for reals. 

one minute, i'll be looking at his completely swoon-worthy chubby cheeked face, with his cute little teeth, perfect button nose, and the most beautiful caramelized eyes I have ever seen, and then the next minute all I see is this scary creature staring back at me.

shrieking like a little banshee because I didn’t get the cheese out fast enough.

or because he wanted to wear his slip on “piderman shoes” when there is 20 feet of snow outside.

or because I didn’t let him play “crossy road” on my phone.

and for that brief moment, I break. 

i tell myself.. 

I can’t do this. 

I can’t ever be alone. I can never seem to get enough sleep. My body hurts. My house is always a mess. My clothes are always covered in something. I can never talk on the phone without hearing screams, even though he was perfectly content playing by himself 2 seconds prior. I can’t eat alone. I can’t shower alone. I can’t read a book alone. I can’t go to the bathroom alone. I can’t just run into the thrift store, or Sephora for a few minutes without having to cater to a raging monster freaking out. I can’t stop stubbing my toes on his giant tractors or trucks..

and then everything goes quiet after shouting “ow” from hitting those freaking trucks for the millionth time.. 

then I hear his footsteps running up the stairs to me, yelling, 

“Oh no! You okay, Mom?! You okay?!”  

and my entire mind stops spinning. 

and I remember him running and jumping up on our bed while I'm trying to blog, and attempting to cover us up under the blankets saying, “Hide, Mom! Hide from Dad!"

i remember him grabbing his blankies, sippy, paci, + chase, to come and snuggle with me on the couch while I am reading.

i remember him hearing me tell Keagan I wanted a bagel, so he ran to the kitchen to bring me the entire bag of bagels + the strawberry cream cheese that I love from the fridge.

i remember him seeing Jennifer Lawrence on the TV, and him shouting, "MOM! You on the show!". (thats real love folks)

i remember him hugging me, and brushing my tears away, and saying, "It's okay, mom. It's okay" when I read a letter my dad had written me before he passed away.

i remember him always saying sorry to me whenever he bumped into me, or when i step / trip / fall on his stuff and hurt myself.

i remember him always wanting to help me stand up if I was having a hard day.

i remember the first time he said, “I love you, mama”.

i remember that creeper smile he does when he wants to make me laugh.

i remember him trying to sing me back to sleep one night he crawled into bed with us.

i remember that my life is damn good.

i remember that I made an amazing kid, with the most amazing man.

i remember that I love my boys.

and all of the hardships, the guilt, the pain, the sadness, the anger, the self-pity just melts away.

i might get things wrong somedays, but the one thing i know i did right, was becoming a wife, and mom.

being a mom is hard. 

but i wouldn’t give it up for  a n y t h i n g.

the four year proposal

four years ago today Keagan proposed to me.
..welll.. four years ago yesterday. meh. same dif.

It was a beautiful day.

We had been planning a mock photoshoot for a while with our good friend, Jane. She was just starting her photography bidness up, and she needed to "build her portfolio" / that's what I was told.

The day before the photoshoot I stayed up reallyy late with one of my best girls, Abbi. It was a movie date night, with LOTS of junk food. But I had the absolute worst time falling asleep, so at about 11 PM I decided to take a sleeping pill.

WORST. DECISION. EVER.

I woke up feeling horrible. I wanted nothing to do with this photoshoot. But I got up and got all ready anyways. By the time Keagan arrived at my house to pick me up, I was laying on the couch asking him if we can cancel.

HA. you silly girl, you.

Keagan and my sister, Steph, both were like,
"oh you'll feel better once you start moving!" / "drink some water, and eat something." / "if you can't do it once you're actually there, then you can leave."

Steph was practically pushing me out the door with my ice water. 

I bucked up, and went.
thankfully.

Steph runs outside while we were getting in the car to give me her camera. 
"Incase you want to film the photoshoot? Or something.."  
"uhh, k?"

She's not that very subtle guys. Let's give her a break.

Once in the car, I noticed that he had sweetly gotten me some Timmy's. aka. Tim Hortons.
The true way to this girls heart.

We start driving, and I'm trying to figure out where we were going. All I knew was that it was a beautiful location, and quote, "I was gonna freak." So me, being me, bugged him the entire way there. He didn't cave. He never does. 

We park, meet up with Jane and her buddy Ben, and start walking.
I can hear this roar over our voices, and I start to get excited because now I know.

It was a waterfall. My favorite places to be in the world are around waterfalls. And he remembered. Timmy's + a waterfall location. Boy was winning some points. 

We did a few romantic shots around the waterfall, and explored around a bit.

Then about 5 minutes later Jane hands Keagan this dandelion, and I say, 
"Keags! You should get down on one knee and fake propose to me!"

hey, I know what you're thinking. But we had talked about marriage and everything. 

so to me this wasn't going to happen for a bit. and I am a bit naive. same dif.

He of course then looks at Jane, and Ben, and they all laugh. 
they were in on the plan. they ain't dumb. 

So, Keagan gets down on one knee, and I fake surprise. 
The rest. Is in the video.

When you come into the video, you see me slow clapping.
He had just pulled out a Ring Pop bag. 
I had told him once before, "if you propose to me with a ring pop. it's a done deal sweetheart."

Hence the laughing. + slow clapping. 

 

He surprises me still everyday.

& everyday with him gets a little more sweeter.

I called my Mom on the way to our celebratory breakfast at Cora's. 

Apparently, Keagan had already called to talk to both of them. 

My Dad gave Keagan the sweetest advice, and acceptance talk. 

  

 

"I can't believe how well you fit so easily, and perfectly into our family. I know you will take care of her, and that you love her with all your heart. She's my baby girl, and now I'm handing her over to you. It would be my pleasure for you to marry her."

Those sweet words mean more to me now.

My dad knew. 

Six weeks later we were married.

He is, and always will be my flavorist. 

happy four year proposal, love.

or something. i don't know. 

*insert sassy girl emoticon.

currently

reading /    a house in the sky - amanda lindhout & sara corbett - go to your library and get this right meow. SO GOOD.



yearning for /   pumpkins. the leaves to change colors. fall clothes.



loving /   my jaclyn hill x becca cosmetics highlighter. holy crap guys. i'll just say it for you.
#HIGHLIGHTONFLEEEEEK  seriously. go get it now before its gone. 



craving /   this oh so beautiful, and most perfect top that was destined to be in my life from ilycouture. 



watching /   witches of east end - even tho its cancelled i'll never let it go.  once upon a time.  community.



wearing /  this shirt from joe fresh + PINK leggings + amazingly comfy chunky knit cardi from anthro - similar here



feeling /   over the awful sickness that everyone in this house has.



depressed /   ren can now climb in and out of his crib. its a beautiful, but sad thing. beautiful because i don't wake up to his screeching anymore. he just comes into our room and gives me a good morning kiss + snuggle. depressing because he's not a baby anymore! (ugly crying happening rn)



happy /   for the small things in life.



obsessed /   kat von d's lovecraft lipstick. rainy + fall season. honey vanilla chamomille tea. homemade mac + cheese. (recipe coming asap). dried flowers. 



needing /    sleeeeeeeep. mama ain't had none in the past week in a bit. it's driving me a bit cray. thank the heavens for melatonin. 

HOW TO | catch some fruit flies

If you are a fruit fly advocate, please turn away. This post ain't for you.
If you are dying to rid yourself of these awful creatures from invading your home.. Continue on my good friend.



Can I please get an amen of how S I C K & tired you are of these freaking fruit flies?!

I mean, the other day I sucked one up through my nose! And about destroyed our kitchen with how many there were.

UGH.

Here's my problem. Ren loves bananas, and peaches, and nectarines, and every other fruit that carries and attracts the flies. I almost don't even want to buy them anymore because of the crazy storm of little blackish flies that engulf my entire kitchen and dining room!

Drives. Me. Cray.

It's like I don't even want to cook dinner because of how many there were.
{Good excuse to not cook though, right? ;) Keagan didn't fall for it though.. ):}

So, one day I was complaining to my Mama about them, and asked how she battled against the swarm.

Then she tells me, "Well, I use Apple Cider Vinegar."
Come again for Big Fudge?

a p p l e  c i d e r  v i n e g a r

K. So, you mean to tell me that the thing that she has been attempting to shove down my throat, FOR YEARS, was the cure for getting rid of these annoyances! ..and lots of other things apparently. 

Then she continues..

"You pour some apple cider vinegar in a small cup or container, and rub a dash of soap on your finger, and run it through the vinegar."

Turns out that the vinegar smells like fruit that is decaying, and the soap is so sticky it captures them, and sends them to their watery grave. Literally.

Genius that woman is.

Why was I such a brat in high school and not listen to her more?

#thestruggleisreal

So anyways, down below you'll see a step by step on how to rid yourself of such beasts. And a look "into" the one I am replacing. It is amazing how well this trap works! And the best part is that there are no harsh chemicals, and its all homemade! BOOM. 

Beware. You may gag at the sheer amount you will catch.

You don't want to fill it up so high, but that exactly too low either. So fill it right in the middle.
(Make the proper adjustments to the type of glass you're using as well. I'm using an old Ikea candle holder. I'm a glass horder. It's a sickness. #monkeycoveringeyesemojiinsertedhere)

When I say a "drop" of soap, I literally mean for it to cover the entire tip of your finger. You don't really want to rub it around with your thumb. Just pour it on your finger, than immediately dunk it into the glass and rub it around in the vinegar, and also, around the sides of the glass.

Look, I was being straight up ghetto when I made this because I had no plastic wrap. So I just ripped a side off a Ziplock baggie, and that did the job perfectly.

You can use whatever you like to poke the holes with. I used a small knife. You just want to be able to poke holes big enough for them to fly into, but not fly out. Got it?

This is my favorite step because you are done, and you can just watch them all gather to the edge of the hole, and then finally take the plunge!

This was my 2nd one, and it was finally just finishing up. 

My first one was deeeee-sgus-ting.

And there you have it! A fool proof, no more fruit fly flyin' zone! And I don't have to worry about sucking them up through my nose anymore!


You can place your "Fruit Fly Death Trap" anywhere you'd like. I placed mine where I know they are the most prominent. But I've put them on my counter top, on the top of my fridge, etc. Where ever you're wanting it to be, place it there my friend!

Happy Hunting, y'all!

Notes

It does smell super strong the first day or so. Just know that. But it fades away. Or you just get use to it. Either or.

Mine usually lasts about a week or two. Just depends on how many you've caught, or how the soap mixture looks like. If it's super cloudy, or the soap has created huge blobs (and it's been a week), change it! But you can decide for yourself on when you think it's right.

.. I usually forget about it, and change it every week and a half to two weeks. But if your fruit fly problem is SUPER bad, then make two! Or three. I ain't judging. 

o b s e s s i o n s

We moved.

That's pretty much the only explanation I can give as of why NO posts have been showing up over the last month or so. I don't know how families of 4.. 5.. 10+, can do it, and then not want to just curl up in a hole, and sleep for months afterwards. It was dreadful, and awesome at the same time. But now it's over now, and things are becoming a lot more stable, and settled. YES.

 & ps. i am in sweet love with our new place. 

if you want a walk through of it, telllll me, and i'll make a video.

Now time for some beautiful obsessions! A couple (actually, just one) that are off of my pinterest board that I want, and ones I do have and want to share their amazing-ness.

o b s e s s i o n s  //

a. so this is my first actual set of the real technique beauty / core collection beauty brushes, and I gotta say they don't disappoint. I more so use the contour, and powder brush, but the foundation and concealer brush are just as awesome. What I love most about the contour brush is how it makes my bronzer look on my face, and how precise it is. LOVE. The powder brush I more so use as my liquid foundation brush, and for my cream blushes. I love the air brush looks that it gives me when everything is all set in. Brilliant creations these are.


b. ugh, who does love Kate Spade?! I seriously can't get over how cute all of her phone cases, wristlets, purses, glasses.. everything is. I swoon every time I collect something of hers. I have something else from her that I'll show next week ;) Keagan got me it when my last w a l l e t was stolen straight outta my stroller during this past Christmas. It made me losing gift cards, my ID, some cash, my favorite lipstick, etc. all worth it.


c. BLAKES RED. OMGOSH YOU GUYS. I can't get enough. I have been trying to find the perfect red lipstick for me for a LONG time, and I haven't been able to get the exact shade I have been looking for. I don't know what it is, but every red lipstick I've tried has made me look blotchy, like a not so attractive 80s wannabe.. just yuck. You know what I mean? And come on ladies, every woman needs that one damn good red lipstick. And I've finally found it. Thank you, Blake Lively! You beautiful woman you.


d. aight guys, imma get real for you for a sec. I have been searching for a good water purifier that wasn't stupid expensive FOREVER. I'm so sick of my Brita jugs always breaking, and the filters black beads falling through into my water, and their product just NOT lasting after I've spent 50+ bucks on a supposedly really "good one". It was driving me crazy. But I've finally found the one I love. Zero Water, folks. I got the 10-cup jug, and I am soooo happy with it. It even comes with a water dispenser on the back of it, which makes my life easier. The one thing that I didn't like about mine at first, is that when I poured water out of the top it didn't seem to have any controlled flow to it, so the first time I poured water out of it, it kinda splashed on my counter. But now I have the tricks to use it down, so now more spilling! But seriously, check it out.


e. i am obsessed with all things blue, turquoise, teal, mint, etc. I love it. I can't get enough of it. But sadly, this is the one I don't have. I NEED IT IN MY LIFE. I do have a similar one, and it is a beautiful shade, don't get me wrong, but it's not quite as bright as this beautiful Nars one, but I still dig it.

brushes    /    i phone six case  {another one of mine here}  /    lipstick    /    water filter    /     nail polish      

and as per usual, i leave you with this hilarious me-me that i can't get over. i cry laughing every time i see it.

#yourewelcome
pinterest  /  kayy_sue

xoxo

ps // this isn't an ad, at all. if it was, i would tell you.

these are products i have found, and loved,  and wanted to share them with you.

i would never tell you something that i didn't like, or wouldn't use myself, just to gain a profit.

that's not who i am.

:)  

I'm Breaking Up With My Clothes.

Today, I had a bit of a breakdown. It wasn't over something serious. No. It was over my... clothes. Funny how something so trivial, can make you feel like you're the Flea (Kuzco) inside the box that Yzma is going to "smash with a hammer". Try not saying that in her voice because I definitely couldn't. The flea being my self-esteem.

So, there I sat. In our room, among all of our clothes that were lying in a pile on the floor. Crying because I hate all of them. All these freaking clothes, and nothing fits, or feels right. They are itchy. Or stretched out. Or too small. Or too big. Or just aren't me anymore.

I gave birth to Renner a little over 2 years ago, and still my clothes don't fit right. I've bought some here and there that make me feel pretty, or I think look good. But usually they were a quick grab off the rack when browsing with the kid, and didn't have time to try it on. And not to mention that half the clothes I do have are from my high school days, and let's be honest, my body ain't near the same as those days haha. Mama's got a whole new frame now.

Let me be quite clear though. This isn't an "I hate my body" post. So don't get that confused. I do quite love my body. With all of it's imperfection, and curves. I always have. Are there things I wish I could change? Of course. Could the booty be a little tighter? Sure. But that's what those squats are for. Unfortunately, I just love to not do them.

So, as I sat in the pile of our clothes, having an ugly crying/poor me sesh, I came to the conclusion to just  g e t   r i d   o f   t h e m. I have this weird.. not obsession, but attachment? Yeah, attachment, to all my clothes. I can't bear the thought of getting rid of a single piece. What if one day I remembered that one shirt that I haven't worn in over a year, and finally had the occasion to wear it? That day hasn't come yet, but I'm just sayin', it could.

But now I think I've finally reached my limit. I'm tired of feeling like I have nothing to wear, but have this giant pile of clothes. I actually hate that feeling.

Now I'm just going to sort through them, and decide which ones get the boot, or the hanger. The ones that I am getting rid of I'll bring to Goodwill, or to a consignment store, and hopefully get something in return for those, since we don't have an unlimited supply of funds to update my entire wardrobe.

It's in these moments that I actually feel like I'm growing up. I will still mourn the loss of the ones that I wish I could of had a more exclusive relationship with, but it was time for me to move on to better, prettier, and more comfortable things.

Here's to hoping that the husband takes pity on me, and funds me a shopping trip. New clothes for the wife equals happy life, right?

weekly obsessions

/  c a r a m e l  a p p l e  m i n i  d o n u t s. Remember these that I mentioned in my Nair Post? Okay, well can I tell you how amazing they were? Because they were. Someone should give this woman a friggin' metal for how beautiful this recipe was. A+ good woman. I was proud to re-create these in my home.
* I didn't put the pretzels in them, and I did make my own buttermilk with milk and lemon juice, and it was perfect.

But really, her blog is sooo good, and filled with the most delicious recipes. 

/  l' o r e a l  h a i r  m a s k. I might be new to getting on this train, but holy. I'm hooked. It's amazing. They had a few different options but I just grabbed the Total Repair 5. They do have other kinds for specific things (color protection, volume, re-nutrition, etc.), but I chose this one because my hair is damaged. And I'm in sweet, sweet love. It has completely transformed my hair. Whenever I would braid my hair, before I used this, it would get all wispy, and thin at the end of the braid. But after using it only 3 times, 3 TIMES GUYS, it has gotten noticeably thicker, the color has gotten brighter and shinier, it's become stronger, and looks healthier overall. Which is a feat with how much I've dyed, and damaged it. Especially from straighteners. Thank you 16 year old self. Really though, I highly recommend this to anyone looking for something new to freshen up those beautiful locks.

/  m a y b e l l i n e  m a s t e r  c o n c e a l e r. I was in the market for a new concealer, but I wanted to be cheap about it. So I went on a hunt for a cheap drugstore one, that gave amazing coverage as a pricey one. And I FOUND IT. It's so amazing guys. These dark circles I gots since becoming a mama is a bit ridic. I'm a vibrant, young mama, and wife! I ain't supposed to be lookin' like Voldemort is walking down the street. There are children present. Good grief! But, it's been a bit of a gong show trying to find one that covers them, and isn't super pricey. But here it is! This one covers them beautifully. And I no longer look like the Dark Lord. Win win.

/  e a s y  s u m m e r  b u n. Sometimes I wish I could see the front of their hair in these pictures so they aren't left up to my imagination. It just doesn't validate my reasons to be lazy guys. That's really what the problem is. But I will just sit here, and dream about what could be..

/  d i y  m o d e r n  d r e a m c a t c h e r. I always said that I would get a tattoo of one when I got older. That obviously never happened. Nor will. But dreamcatchers were my and my Dad's favorite thing. I always would get nightmares as a kid, and into my teenage years, (probably from being allowed to watch It & Killer Clowns From Outer Space when I was 6, but yah know)  and my Dad would always tie a piece of my hair around my dreamcatcher, and put a golden safety pin (his signature thing) on it. And I will always swear to this day on how much they helped me. Be it our Native blood, or wonders of will power they worked. I love them. And I love this memory of him. I still have one to this day, and so does Ren. But I want to make one kind of like this for him.

I am though superly (yes,its a word) addicted to her blog. It sings to me. It will probably sing to you too.

/  And to end it on a funny note because I'm pretty sure I'm trying to set the record of how many times I can re-wash towels that have been sitting in my dryer for the past few days.

it may not be the weekend, but it is the middle of the week.

figured you might need a pick me up.

and i am kinda overdue on this...

in my defensive i had nair attack me.

and just crazy things go down.

like my internet being down, and having the telus guy come out

every. single. week.

because it kicks off ALL THE TIME.

..but i'm not bitter. 

anyways, as always, you rock my obsessive homies.

my worst nairmare

We all know what Nair is right? We became addicted to it in Junior High because our mama's wouldn't let us use a razor at 12. And regardless of the disgusting smell of it we'd buck up, and sit over the edge of the bathtub, and cry over the burning of our preteen hair follicles. But it was WORTH IT to get that slimy glorious feeling of hair free legs. And also because we reeeeally wanted to impress the boys in gym class. ..oh, was that just me?

Well, who knew that they made that same wonderful hair removal cream For. Your. Face!? I know right? I was walking through Safeway (to get stuff for caramel apple mini donuts, more on that later) when I found it...

Totally seems promising right?

Skin Care Ingredients guys. Come on.

Now you ask, how did you get this idea to remove the hair from your face? Well, I'm glad you asked. About a month ago I watched a video about "The Try Girls" shaving their faces. My mom had told me that she also shaves her face (and with revealing that, I may have signed my death warrant). There are a bunch of awesome benefits about why you should.. blah blah blah. But anyways, as I watched, I became super interested, and even more curious than wanting to watch 50 Shades of Grey, in what the hair would feel like when it came back, and if my face would even be able to handle a razor to it. My face is pretty sensitive. But I said, what the hell. Imma go for it.

Long story short, I ended up loving the final result, but hated the way it felt a few days later. Kind of like when you eat a Big Mac with extra Mac Sauce. It's so amazing when you start, but after a few hours.. well.. #regrets

So, when I found this beautiful box that said Nair Face & Upper Lip Cream I was pretty pumped. Best part, it was only 6 bucks.

Done. 

That night I was super excited to test it out. And after eating an entire plate of those delicious Caramel Apple Mini Donuts, #noregrets, I went into the bathroom, and read over the instructions. Blah blah blah.. don't do this.. don't do that.. Meanwhile, Keagan was being ever rude by interrupting this important moment for me by yelling at the TV in the living room because of the Flames playoff game. But I continued on, ever valiantly, and got situated on the counter, and started putting it on my face.

It was alright. Not as smelly or bad as the leg cream. 

Once the game ended, Keags came in to check on me. Told me about one of the ending fights of the game, which I can't resist, and said I needed to come watch it. I said, "Okay, but this can't stay on for that long.." He told me it wouldn't take that long, and that I HAD to see it. I put the cream on at 10:55 PM, and set a timer for a few minutes later. While watching the fights I decided that my girl Alyssa had to know what was going on, so I sent her this picture of the process /

Pretty thuggish right? I thought so too. I was so pumped to come out of this process with no hair on my face, and wondering how long before the hair grew back, and how it would feel.

I look at my phone a few minutes later, and go to the bathroom to wash it off. I felt it kind of burning, and tingle a little bit, but I didn't think to much of it because it wasn't near as bad as the leg cream.. or so I thought.

You know that feeling you get when you're making bacon, and the oil pops, and you freak out because the tiny little dot almost burned your arm? Yeah? Okay, so, now try imaging that oil being sprayed across your face with a pressure hose. WELCOME TO MY WORLD. I honestly couldn't even have my eyes open while I wiped the rest off because any drops of tears burned it even more. It was like a knife slicing into my face, and then someone coming over to wipe the blood off with a boiling hot metal scrubber, coated with the stench of baby oil.

I yelled to Keagan, "KEAGAN! MY FACE IS FALLING OFF. I NEED HELP."  So he comes running in, takes one look at me and says, "What the hell did you do?!" Because THAT'S something I needed to hear when I'm already sure that Hell itself is burning off my face! He starts laughing, and I start freaking out, "I don't know! I did everything right?! It huuurrrtssss so bad." Did I do everything right though?

After the traitorous cream was completely wiped off, I summoned all strength to look in the mirror, and assess the damages. Red. That's all I saw. My most hated color was spewed all across my face. For a split second, it looked like I was from the 80s.

But I'm not! I'm not from the 80s! I wasn't wearing horridly, over colored blush. I was wearing chemically altered burned bright red skin. The only plus side of this ENTIRE bloody process, was that my eyebrows stayed on point during that whole procedure. And for those wondering why I still had my eye makeup on, well, I figured I'd just save some coconut oil, and just wipe it all off after this was done, and then moisturize my face with it after the hair was gone. I don't know guys.

Now, when I had read the instructions on the bottle I thought it said "leave on for 10 minutes". Fun Fact: Inside the box, they have this entire sheet with step by step of what to do, and turns out, what it really said was, "Leave on for 3-4 minutes. DO NOT EXCEED OVER 10 MINUTES." In my defense, the writing on the bottle was really tiny.. and I'm an idiot haha.

I spent the whole rest of the evening in agonizing pain. Dying a slow death of melting from the juices of the devil that is, Nair. Way to freaking go, was all I kept thinking. I couldn't open my mouth to speak. I couldn't touch my face with hardly anything. It felt like I'd been shot up with a pound of botox with how stiff my face was. The only relief I felt was making Keagan take one of Ren's aden & anais blankets (because the material was so thin and soft), soaking it with ice cold water, and putting it on my face with frozen perogies on top. Class act.

Notice the broccoli? It wasn't doing its job properly. So it got replaced.

But at least Titus knew I needed his support.

It's gotten a bit better today. No more burning sensation. The swelling went down. {Which I give credit to the 20 benadryl I took to help that, and help me sleep. Even though the directions on that bottle said, "do not give to kids to make sleep". Legit said that. But we all know how I'm a rebel at those directions, and I'm not a kid. So they can suck it.} The redness has faded. The only real burns I have now are just at the corners of my mouth, and they are fading. And on the plus side, I doubt my hair will ever grow back after that.

...well, a girl can hope.

Will I use this product again? Probably. I think it would of been fine, had I not left it on for 7 minutes longer than I should have. And.. my face is pretty smooth.

All in all, there's a silver lining in everything.

'A picture of my child once a week, every week for a year'

'A picture of my child once a week, every week for a year'

{twelve / fifty-two}

{thirteen / fifty-two}

{fourteen / fifty-two}

mommy monster / round two

All I wanted to do was finish reading this page I was on. That's it people. Wasn't asking for much. Just to simply find out what was going to happen in this thrilling chapter, so I could focus on what was happening right in front of me. But no. Wasn't happenin'. This 3 foot something, fire breathing, screaming semblance of my kid, would not allow it. Needless to say, the Mommy Monster started to wake up from her long slumber. And she was ticked.

I mean, how dare he not let me finish reading this ONE part? Doesn't he realize all that I do for him? Doesn't he know that I need my own time? Doesn't he know the agonizing hours of labor I went through to bring him into this world? I mean really, did he need me to pay attention to him right that minute? Probably not! So, after the 4th head butt to my leg, I slammed my tea down on the table, for dramatic effect, because THAT. WAS. IT.

Obviously, it splashed everywhere. Which only made me even more mad. "Really, Ren? Come on!" Of course, it was his fault that the tea spilled! Then I had to get up, and go in search of a towel, only to realize, oh hey, they were all in the dirty clothes. You've got to be freaking kidding me. I go into the laundry room, muttering to myself about how I never get time alone to do anything, and how, just for one day, I'd love to just sit and read by myself. No distractions. No crying. No whining. No nothing. Just quiet. While still fuming over the woes of my life, I come out into the living room to see Ren already cleaning up my spilled tea with some diaper wipes. He had grabbed them from under the couch, opened the lid, and pulled some out to wipe it up for me. I immediately dropped the towel I was holding, ran over to him, and just held him with tears pouring down my face. We're talking ugly sobbing.

Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own head that I don't look up from what I'm doing, and just see what is happening right in front of me. This kid is precious beyond anything I've ever imagined, and it's moments like these that make me cherish the life I have. The best part was when I was holding him, and he gave me this quizzical look, wiped my tears, said, "oh no", then gave me a kiss. My heart is full, even though I feel like a complete a-hole. Although, this picture does make me feel a bit better about myself.

#wheremahothermommymonstersat

weekly obsessions.

/ I've always had a love for the Gardiner Sisters on YouTube. Seriously, their voices are beyond anything, and they are seriously the cutest. (They even got 2 seriously's outta me.) Love love LOVE these girls. I have been completely obsessed with this song of theirs. I found it a while ago, but then re-found it recently, and fell in even more sweet love with it. Not to mention that I can't, for the life of me, teach myself how to sing, and play my guitar at the same time. So watching this gives me hope. Anyways, it's a remix of one of my favorite song, Dirty Paws, tied beautifully with Home. SO GOOD. K, I'll let yah listen.



/ WE FOUND OUT WHO 'A' IS. well... the world did. I refuse to read any tweets, statuses, or articles about who it is. Dying. DON'T TELL ME. (unless its Aria. because I swear that girl...) This chick is waiting till this season is on Netflix. 

/ BOBBY IS COMING BACK ON SUPERNATURAL. Okay. Deep breaths. & for hells sake no more caps.  ...do those two even count as an obsession? More like I'm obsessed with the shows, and it's exciting news.

/ But really though you wanna know who's hair I'm truly obsessed with, it's my girl Laura Vandervoort. (Okay, really though, who isn't completely in love with this gal? Or just want to hang out with her?) Can we find someone more perfect, please? I thought not. Been having a girl crush on her since the Smallville & V days. Now falling even more in love with her on Bitten. #packforlife  She truly makes me want to have my hair short again.. or just you know, be as freaking awesome as she is.

/ I'm kinda obsessed with this o u t f i t . It is so beautiful, and looks so comfy! And I am all about comfort. But really, I'm so in love with that shirt. One day technology will advance so far that we'll be able to pull clothes out of our computer. Well.. here's to hoping anyways.

/ But really.. I can hear my mom actually saying this to me...

/ This summer I really want to be adventurous, and play outside. But I just never know what to do.. We always just end up doing the same thing. (Go to the park. Go to the library. Go get ice cream.) Which isn't bad, or not fun. But I need to be more creative. And now that he's getting older, I think he'll find some of these things on this 1 6 0 S u m m e r  L i s t really amusing. Well, here's to hoping anyways!

/ So remember that thing I posted on my last weekly obsessions about the lady who lived to be 104 years old, and credited her long life to Dr. Pepper. Well, here's a l i n k vid of her. And did I mention she's from Texas? Makes me want to be best friends with her even more. #texasforever

/ Whenever I see b r a i d s like this I just get depressed, and wish I could braid my hair like that. I don't know why I have the hardest time with doing braids like this on myself. I can do a side one like no ones bidness, but something like that? Nah. I guess I just stick to staring at them on Pinterest, and dreaming being that cool one day.

/ Also... I've been contemplating going back to mah true roots of a b l o n d e because of that picture. But then I hear my mom saying to me all through out my youth, and even now, "You were born a blonde", "You look better as a blonde.", or my personal favorite, "The dark hair doesn't suit you, because you were meant to be a blonde." Then I remember why I don't really want to become a blonde anymore haha. (Just kidding mama, you're only part of the reason ;)) But then I see t h i s pic, and I'm all.. maybe it would be worth it. 

.


/ I am so in love with this g l o b e from Chapters. Seriously. Not that I'd pay that much for it, but maybe I would paint one. They also have t h i s one that I am equally in love with. But really? Who doesn't love globes?

/ & then this because I want to die some grocery shopping days, and this made me laugh.

as always happy weekend, my obsessive homies.

you rock.

#nationalpuppyday

So, National Pup/Dog Day was over literally an hour ago, but I had to post this.

Roxy is our baby girl. She maybe turning 7 this year, but there is still a puppy spirit in her. There are so many things about her that bring so much love into our home. Like her snorts, and grumbles at things she doesn't like, or disagree with. Or the fact that she sneezes directly on us if we make her mad, or irritated. Or how, whenever I am in pain, she knows, and comes over and snuggles with me. And at night, she has to be touching at least one of when we are sleeping. She will keep stretching out her legs until she is. Everyone who meets her, can't help but fall in love her with sweet, gentle nature.

Here are some of my favorite photos of our Roxy Girl..

She truly does complete this family, and we are so blessed to have her in our life. I love that there is a day to celebrate her, and all of our pups that bring joy, and love into our home.
Happy National Pup/Dog Day to all you dog lovers.