my worst nairmare

We all know what Nair is right? We became addicted to it in Junior High because our mama's wouldn't let us use a razor at 12. And regardless of the disgusting smell of it we'd buck up, and sit over the edge of the bathtub, and cry over the burning of our preteen hair follicles. But it was WORTH IT to get that slimy glorious feeling of hair free legs. And also because we reeeeally wanted to impress the boys in gym class. ..oh, was that just me?

Well, who knew that they made that same wonderful hair removal cream For. Your. Face!? I know right? I was walking through Safeway (to get stuff for caramel apple mini donuts, more on that later) when I found it...

Totally seems promising right?

Skin Care Ingredients guys. Come on.

Now you ask, how did you get this idea to remove the hair from your face? Well, I'm glad you asked. About a month ago I watched a video about "The Try Girls" shaving their faces. My mom had told me that she also shaves her face (and with revealing that, I may have signed my death warrant). There are a bunch of awesome benefits about why you should.. blah blah blah. But anyways, as I watched, I became super interested, and even more curious than wanting to watch 50 Shades of Grey, in what the hair would feel like when it came back, and if my face would even be able to handle a razor to it. My face is pretty sensitive. But I said, what the hell. Imma go for it.

Long story short, I ended up loving the final result, but hated the way it felt a few days later. Kind of like when you eat a Big Mac with extra Mac Sauce. It's so amazing when you start, but after a few hours.. well.. #regrets

So, when I found this beautiful box that said Nair Face & Upper Lip Cream I was pretty pumped. Best part, it was only 6 bucks.

Done. 

That night I was super excited to test it out. And after eating an entire plate of those delicious Caramel Apple Mini Donuts, #noregrets, I went into the bathroom, and read over the instructions. Blah blah blah.. don't do this.. don't do that.. Meanwhile, Keagan was being ever rude by interrupting this important moment for me by yelling at the TV in the living room because of the Flames playoff game. But I continued on, ever valiantly, and got situated on the counter, and started putting it on my face.

It was alright. Not as smelly or bad as the leg cream. 

Once the game ended, Keags came in to check on me. Told me about one of the ending fights of the game, which I can't resist, and said I needed to come watch it. I said, "Okay, but this can't stay on for that long.." He told me it wouldn't take that long, and that I HAD to see it. I put the cream on at 10:55 PM, and set a timer for a few minutes later. While watching the fights I decided that my girl Alyssa had to know what was going on, so I sent her this picture of the process /

Pretty thuggish right? I thought so too. I was so pumped to come out of this process with no hair on my face, and wondering how long before the hair grew back, and how it would feel.

I look at my phone a few minutes later, and go to the bathroom to wash it off. I felt it kind of burning, and tingle a little bit, but I didn't think to much of it because it wasn't near as bad as the leg cream.. or so I thought.

You know that feeling you get when you're making bacon, and the oil pops, and you freak out because the tiny little dot almost burned your arm? Yeah? Okay, so, now try imaging that oil being sprayed across your face with a pressure hose. WELCOME TO MY WORLD. I honestly couldn't even have my eyes open while I wiped the rest off because any drops of tears burned it even more. It was like a knife slicing into my face, and then someone coming over to wipe the blood off with a boiling hot metal scrubber, coated with the stench of baby oil.

I yelled to Keagan, "KEAGAN! MY FACE IS FALLING OFF. I NEED HELP."  So he comes running in, takes one look at me and says, "What the hell did you do?!" Because THAT'S something I needed to hear when I'm already sure that Hell itself is burning off my face! He starts laughing, and I start freaking out, "I don't know! I did everything right?! It huuurrrtssss so bad." Did I do everything right though?

After the traitorous cream was completely wiped off, I summoned all strength to look in the mirror, and assess the damages. Red. That's all I saw. My most hated color was spewed all across my face. For a split second, it looked like I was from the 80s.

But I'm not! I'm not from the 80s! I wasn't wearing horridly, over colored blush. I was wearing chemically altered burned bright red skin. The only plus side of this ENTIRE bloody process, was that my eyebrows stayed on point during that whole procedure. And for those wondering why I still had my eye makeup on, well, I figured I'd just save some coconut oil, and just wipe it all off after this was done, and then moisturize my face with it after the hair was gone. I don't know guys.

Now, when I had read the instructions on the bottle I thought it said "leave on for 10 minutes". Fun Fact: Inside the box, they have this entire sheet with step by step of what to do, and turns out, what it really said was, "Leave on for 3-4 minutes. DO NOT EXCEED OVER 10 MINUTES." In my defense, the writing on the bottle was really tiny.. and I'm an idiot haha.

I spent the whole rest of the evening in agonizing pain. Dying a slow death of melting from the juices of the devil that is, Nair. Way to freaking go, was all I kept thinking. I couldn't open my mouth to speak. I couldn't touch my face with hardly anything. It felt like I'd been shot up with a pound of botox with how stiff my face was. The only relief I felt was making Keagan take one of Ren's aden & anais blankets (because the material was so thin and soft), soaking it with ice cold water, and putting it on my face with frozen perogies on top. Class act.

Notice the broccoli? It wasn't doing its job properly. So it got replaced.

But at least Titus knew I needed his support.

It's gotten a bit better today. No more burning sensation. The swelling went down. {Which I give credit to the 20 benadryl I took to help that, and help me sleep. Even though the directions on that bottle said, "do not give to kids to make sleep". Legit said that. But we all know how I'm a rebel at those directions, and I'm not a kid. So they can suck it.} The redness has faded. The only real burns I have now are just at the corners of my mouth, and they are fading. And on the plus side, I doubt my hair will ever grow back after that.

...well, a girl can hope.

Will I use this product again? Probably. I think it would of been fine, had I not left it on for 7 minutes longer than I should have. And.. my face is pretty smooth.

All in all, there's a silver lining in everything.